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Muriel

EM26Contributor26 Feb 2022, 10:01 pm AEDT

Muriel

As Muriel said "Do you ever think you're nothing?" I often think I am nothing, I cant afford my psychologist at the moment so have had to cancel past 2 appointments, my gp is on leave so cant talk to him like I would normally do twice a week, at home my adult kids are too busy and I even had a conversation with them about how much it hurts that they never say they love me even if I say it first and they laughed, thought I was being funny. Hubby doesnt know what to say and we basically live in separate halves of the house. Work is just issue after issue amongst staff. I really didnt think life was going to be this hard and now I feel there is nothing for me and I am a nothing, not needed, not loved, alone and lonely. I am hoping my gp returns soon cos not sure where I will find myself if I cant find someone to listen. I need a good ear, some good advice and some help. I think about stopping my meds just to make it all easier.

Just needed a vent and to get some thoughts out of my head, this seemed like the best place to do it.

Any thoughts or ideas to get me through this would be appreciated

Thanks for listening (reading)

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In response to: Muriel

Anna53Contributor04 Mar 2022, 3:19 pm AEDT

Re: Muriel

Hi, I have no idea how to put a post up. How I managed my first one is a miracle because I can’t seem to work out no matter how hard I try to get another one up. I wanted to say thank you so much, you and others have been so supportive and to someone like me that’s never reached out before it means a lot. I don’t drink or go out, what’s strange is on the outside I look okay I guess. I’ve got lazy in some areas of myself. I used to spend time putting on make up and doing my hair that now I just don’t bother with. I did all that for over 35 years, I’m 52 now and I just feel like it makes me a fake. I don’t feel pretty inside so why bother about the outside. My grandsons aged between 3 1/2 and the youngest 8 months my three boys they don’t care what I look like, my horse and dog don’t care and they’re what matter. My girls are lovely but I don’t tell them about my life, they’re busy and have lives of their own and I’m scared they would be to scared to leave me with the boys and they are my lifeline. Inside I’m a mess, nothing makes sense. I get so jealous and then feel shit about it. I see these women who have nice homes and land and nice husbands and I think what the hell did I do wrong that my life is so different. It’s awful. I’m angry at myself because I’m older now and it’s too late to read start and fix things. I go round in circles constantly and the mere fact I can’t even work out how to post how I feel shows you what an idiot I am. I live with guilt, it seems to be my best mate. My dad who I was estranged from because of bad alcohol issues passed away, he had diabetes but no heart issues then died of a heart attack three years ago. He always asked me to call him in cards, I sent three a year and he always sent a birthday card. I never rang. He never heard me say I loved him and I did despite our issues. There is just a lot of aspects to my life. Where do you begin to work through that. I went to a therapist once and didn’t like it. I don’t have money so can’t afford to keep trying them. When every day problems come up or big issues like my dog needing surgery I just think the worst and cry or get mad and have a pity party. Anyway that’s today. If anyone can tell me how I manage the posts because I have no idea that would be great. And a huge thank you for the support I have received, I honestly wasn’t expecting that. Take care everyone, be safe ❤️❤️❤️

In response to: Re: Muriel

cloudcoreSenior Contributor04 Mar 2022, 3:32 pm AEDT

Re: Muriel

Hi @Anna53 ,

I can really hear the fear you're experiencing when it comes to your relationships, and your feelings of guilt and insecurity. It sounds like have been through a lot and those thoughts and feelings can be tough to sit with 💛

I'm sorry to hear your experience with a therapist wasn't good, it can be so tricky to find someone who you can connect with and trust. For myself, it took a few tries with different therapists to find the one I see today. I'm wondering how you would feel contacting the SANE Helpline to speak with a counsellor to help you through these times? They are a free service and you can call them on 1800 18 7263 😊

In terms of your question about making a post, you can do this by clicking on a topic (for example, the topic we're in is called "Something's Not Right")

And then clicking the green "New Discussion" button,

I hope that helps!

cloudcore ⛅

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