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The ebb and flow of my illness

QueenieSenior Contributor01 Oct 2016, 5:26 pm AEST

The ebb and flow of my illness

I must admit, I've had a run of pretty good days of late, but it's all come crashing down today with bad voices and paranoia to the hilt. I've spent most of the day asleep as when this happens I seemingly just shut down and body goes into a sort of pseudo hibernation mode (does anyone else do this?). I don't know how to feel today. I catch myself when awake staring into space for long periods of time just surrounded by my voices. Usually, I am able to distract somewhat, but today I can't. It is like something is in the air or something weird like that.

I hope with all my heart that I am not headed for another episode. My doctor is away and cannot see me until the middle of the month. There is no locum available who knows my case history.

I'm worried. 😞

19 replies

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In response to: The ebb and flow of my illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor01 Oct 2016, 6:06 pm AEST

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Hello my friend @Queenie xx

say to yourself I am not headed for another episode, I am NOT

sending you hugs

and the Bulldogs WON !!!!

In response to: Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

QueenieSenior Contributor01 Oct 2016, 7:48 pm AEST

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

@Shaz51 Thanks for replying and for the hugs. Yes the Bulldogs won the AFL. Hopefully Melbourne can win the NRL tomorrow.

I'm trying hard to block the voices out and pretending things are fine (I guess I am covering up). I am determined NOT to end up in hospital again for another month.

In response to: Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor01 Oct 2016, 7:54 pm AEST

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

I will be thinking of you @Queenie

and I have my fingers crossed for the bulldogs

have you thought talking to the mods might help like @Zahlia, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @NikNik, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Shimmer

In response to: The ebb and flow of my illness

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2016, 9:48 pm AEST

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Hey @Queenie, I don't think you and I have officially *met* before, but I've definitley moderated once or twice when you've been online! Nice to meet you 🙂

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having so much trouble with the voices tonight. You must be so frustrated. It sounds like you're pretty fearful of going back into hospital too. It must be overwhelming!

Do you have particular techniques you use (aside from just distraction) to help manage the voices? If there's anything we can do to help let us know.

In response to: The ebb and flow of my illness

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2016, 9:51 pm AEST

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Hey @Queenie,

Hibernation! I got out of bed at 3pm today, and that's only cause my cat was going nuts - she gets upset when I don't get out of bed.

I get the staring into space thing too, it happens when I'm not well. Do you have a GP that you know well? Perhaps they could help?

Does anything else normally help when you get unwell - meds, exercise, social contact?

In response to: The ebb and flow of my illness

KurraSenior Contributor02 Oct 2016, 8:21 am AEDT

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Good morning @Queenie
Sorry I wasn't here for you yesterday. You could say I got carried away in the Beer Garden. In fact at one point I had to stop and think about it carefully. I had to consider if I was heading full pelt towards mania. I was relieved when I became overwhelmingly sleepy around 11pm. It's one sure sign that all is well and I didn't have any intrusive voices to deal with thankfully.

I too have used the sleeping strategy to escape the voices. At least it gives you and me a method of escaping the turmoil. I know you're on antipsychotics. Is this orally or fortnightly injection?

Hold on tight lassie and use your most effective strategies for distraction. Remember early intervention is better than waiting for your Doc to return. I realise you don't want to do this but it might be a wise move to drop in to the hospital and see what they say. There may be something they can suggest that will prevent this becoming a full blown episode and it could well circumvent another hospitalisation.
Walking beside you Queenie. 💕💜👣

In response to: Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

QueenieSenior Contributor02 Oct 2016, 10:15 pm AEDT

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

@Former-Member Nice to *meet* you. Last night I went back into hibernation and have been asleep most of the day. I sometimes try to practice mindfulness when my voices arc up like they are at the moment, although that can be difficult too. I am trying to learn to talk about what is happening for me as a way of communicating, I'm still fearful of stigmatising comments and behaviours (especially with my family), but I am learning.

@Former-Member unfortunately I don't have a GP I trust as I just moved across the city and my new one doesn't know me very well at all. I am waiting until the new year and then I'll be seeking out a MH care plan under my new GP and hopefully will be seeing a psychologist.

@Kurra I will get onto my psychiatrist's nurse if I continue like this. Like you have pointed out so rightly, it is better to get onto this sooner rather than later if I want to prevent hospitalisation. It is important that I also communicate with my amazing gf what is going on, something I am still scared of doing due to past experiences (with ex partners) rejecting or worse, catasrophising what is happening for me.

Thanks everyone for your replies. They mean a lot to know I am not alone in my battle. I win will this war.

In response to: Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

QueenieSenior Contributor02 Oct 2016, 10:23 pm AEDT

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Oh and @Kurra: I take a combination of oral and fortnightly depot antipsychotics. For the most part they work reasonably well (it could always be a lot worse!).

In response to: The ebb and flow of my illness

KurraSenior Contributor02 Oct 2016, 10:38 pm AEDT

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

So @Queenie you do take an oral antipsychotic. This may be a good thing as I know my psychiatrist or GP in conjunction with my pdoc will make short term increases to oral medication and this as an early intervention strategy has for me proven to be worth it's weight in gold. OK it's the same weight in feathers. Gold sounds rich!
It might be worth asking how your doc feels about this.
Take care and thanks for keeping us in the loop. We do care. 🎶💕💜💕🎶

In response to: Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Shaz51Senior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 2:22 pm AEDT

Re: The ebb and flow of my illness

Hello @Queenie my friend

How are you today ?? hope you are ok , have been thinking of you

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