Spinning spinning…

I understand sometimes we don't feel like we're strong, but others can often see it in us well before we can. I know we haven't met, and trust is a big thing, but I hope you can put a wee bit of faith in me when I say you are the epitome of courage, and by virtue strength. It's impossible to experience what you have without being courageous. True story 😊

Now, what does a peer support worker do you ask? That's a brilliant question! In a work meeting last week I described it as being a "professional friend", that it is both a profession, but also one where you truly care for the person and want to see them be the best version of themselves. To put it in a more formal sense, peer work is mental health support provided by someone with lived experience of dealing with mental health challenges. In my case that means I've been around the block with my own mental health challenges: PTSD, major depression, developmental trauma, OCD, to name a few. It's been tough (understatement), but I was fortunate enough to find a therapist, at a time when I thought I couldn't go on, who helped me find my path to myself. She once said "you'll never be rid of it", and at the time I nearly fell to the floor because I so badly wanted to rid myself of it all. But the gift she gave me was to learn how to live with it, and that's what led me to the journey of peer work – if I can provide moments of support to people who are courageously walking towards their own version of living "with it", I've done my job.

Hope that answers your question, @petrichor. I'm open and welcome any questions 😊

Hi @Former-Member

i like the ‘professional friend’ description. But it sounds horrible how to get there. You are very strong too and it’s great that you’re being able to help others!

I don’t know what to say about the ‘living with it’. I understand what you mean and have heard it before and I’m trying but I still just want to be rid of it because of … I’m sure you understand. I’m just always overwhelmed with the past coming up & my gender identity and then life happens or I get reminded that people are bad… it just sometimes too much. I like sitting in my safe little bubble I created in my head when everything seems so unreal. And then reality hits or it doesn’t.

I do understand @petrichor. Sometimes it feels like a heavy shroud that was placed on me – I never asked for it, I certainly didn't deserve it, and yet I'm the one wearing it. I wonder if that feels familiar for you too?

What is a shroud @Former-Member I don’t know the phrase.

I’ll have to think about your question. I’m not at the point yet where I forgive myself. I get very angry with myself.

oh something I noticed the other day @petrichor and @Appleblossom . I think it mainly means just taking your shoes off and having some healthy outside time.

Sometimes, people are a bit mean with it though. Like internet debates getting heated and one telling the other to touch grass. In a sort of caring but also sort of ...... undermining or something.

It's also used a lot as just a positive thing to do. Now I'm thinkin' you could put grass in your socks. Grass grows all over the place. You could stuff your socks with it. Not quite the same but might be nice.

It's like a cloak, @petrichor.

Without knowing all of your story, I feel pretty confident in thinking you don't have anything to forgive yourself for. For those of us who were severely let down as children, paradoxically guilt (and sometimes a fairly hefty dose of self-loathing) is sadly common. That said, I think one of the biggest acts of bravery is to forgive yourself for being the child you were, and to welcome yourself back home.

Hope that wasn't too deep 🐨

Biscuit?

@petrichor  

Good call ...

Its funny @Former-Member but the shroud concept I can relate to a lot ... but think I prefer the word, cloak ...

Like in a cloak, in your own safe space?

i sometimes think I forgave her, but when she turns up … I don’t want to write how bad my feelings & actions towards her are. I’ve got others in my head but I hate her most. There are others but I can’t deal with her, there’s a really angry one and I don’t think I can cope really well with them, but she’s different. She’s that monster that you wouldn’t want to open your door too. She really scares me.

Hugs to you @Appleblossom 💚and yes, let's run with cloak, I prefer it too.

More like a heavy, weighted cloak, one that feels heavy to trudge through life.

Thank you for sharing that part of yourself here. It sounds like a very overwhelming experience for you, but also one that again is quite brave to sit with. Have you ever tried writing, just for yourself, your experience with her? I suggest this with one caveat – to stop if it feels too overwhelming. In the past I've tried writing to the younger version of myself, and it did help, but it wasn't easy.