Surprise pregnancy

Good Evening @Wander ,

Thank you for adding a trigger warning - it is much appreciated.

There must be a lot of big feelings for you at this time. I hear things have really 'thrown' you around a bit.

We want you to feel supported here on the forums, especially at such a vulnerable time.

Sitting with you. I'm here if you need a chat.

tyme

Thanks @tyme

It's just difficult to not know if I've already miscarried, or if I'm going to have to chose to either keep a high risk pregnancy, and I also take an anticonvulsant, or terminate. Having fevers, I could also have an infection which makes things more dangerous and I'm told would result in removal of the IUD and termination anyway. There's also the risk it's ectopic as there's a much higher risk of ectopic pregnancy if an IUD is in place, as far as I understand anyway. So I'm kind of sitting wondering if there's a ticking time bomb in my fallopian tube until I can get scans. My partner is away so I don't have him to help me talk through it.

Most signs point to this being an unviable pregnancy and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I have an IUD because I wanted the best protection possible, but it's so rare to fall pregnant with an IUD it makes you think is it meant to be.

On the upside I do have a long term partner who supports either decision that is made.

Hey @Wander ,

Sounds like there's a lot to consider at the moment. I'm relieved to hear you have such a supportive partner. It really makes such a huge difference.

Seeing a GP/specialist to talk through some of thoughts may relieve some fears/anxieties/stressors, as well as help you make a more informed choice.

I know things seem like a storm at the moment, but I'm hoping you'll look ahead for the calm after the storm.

tyme

This sounds like a challenging time for you @Wander

It sounds really scary and overwhelming with the possibilities of an ectopic pregnancy, infection, miscarriage, or a pregnancy that may be high risk. You seem to be dealing with it really well - logically thinking through the possibilities,and the unknowns. It is great that you have a supportive partner and that you have seen a GP and booked for a scan.

Remember to be kind to yourself & take some time out for yourself to relax in whatever ways work for you. This will help you cope with your emotions and decisions.

I hope the Dr has told you what signs to look out for that would mean you need emergency treatment rather than waiting for your scan. If you are at all worried, don't hesitate to get medical help. I once had symptoms including severe pain that suggested that I might have an ectopic pregnancy & was very worried, but emergency scans showed it wasn't & with medication the pain settled.

Also understand that ectopic pregnancy, very-early miscarriages, terminations (whether by choice or for a non-viable pregnancy) can be a very emotional experiences, like any other pregnancy loss. People experiencing these can feel a wide range of emotions including guilt, disappointment, relief, fear, sadness and many others. It is ok to feel these & you are encouraged to seek support.

Similarly a surprise pregnancy can trigger emotions that you may not expect or want.

It is great that you have sought out support here. I hope you get some answers soon.

Good Evening @Wander ,

How was your day today?

Thinking of you,

tyme

Hi @tyme @CrazyChick

Today I had an appointment with the OB-GYN. I was advised to have the IUD removed if there's any chance I might want to continue.

I've been trying to decide how I feel about having a child for months. I was pretty much on the childless by choice side of the fence, but now I feel less sure about that.

So I had the IUD removed today, it was unpleasant. I was told I am most likely having a miscarriage, and that it's very early, maybe 5 weeks. They will test blood hormone levels again in 2 days which will help to determine if the pregnancy is viable or not. Then the scans can confirm where it is etc.

I know what symptoms to look out for that would indicate an emergency. They have been thorough. I'm on antibiotics due to the fevers, but they have been subsiding for days now.

It's been an overwhelming 2 days. I feel some guilt because I know my partner would be a great dad and I think he would actually be happy if I chose to continue, if I do have that choice. I know he will support the decision to terminate even if it's viable too.
It's been such a shock and is rare to have occured. I feel conflicted because I keep thinking what a determined little ball of cells I have.

@Wander

It is great that your fevers have subsided & that your OB-GYN is thorough in their care for you.

It sounds like you waiting to see what happens with your tests and scans. From what your specialist told you it is likely that you are having a miscarriage. It sounds like you are a bit confused and overwhelmed with how you feel about this, which is quite understandable considering it is so sudden.

I imagine you are also tossing around the thoughts of what if you continue the pregnancy or terminate it? If it helps you could write your thoughts down to help work through them. Maybe you could start a list of positive and negatives of each option? But if you would prefer to wait till you have the test results to see if its viable before thinking through the options that's ok too.

I think you're doing amazingly well to stay calm through this massive surprise.

Hey @Wander

Whatever happens with this, i feel like it will also give you more thoughts about your future. You can't experience something without first having the experience, and when you mentioned you thought that it might be "meant to be" because it was so rare. It could also just be prompt to really think about your and your partner life goals if you believe in fate and divine intervention..

As you said, whatever choices you made, you have a great partner beside you, and I hope that the fear can be changed to opportunity because it seems like a big door of options has opened to you now, that you may have closed on yourself before.

Keep us posted and thank you for sharing.

Hi @Wander,

It feels from your post that you are coming to accept the miscarriage as a relief from having to make a decision, but at the same time a loss. I hope you are also coping ok with the physical discomfort/pain.

How kind of you to consider others who are trying to conceive and their loss also. I sometimes feel that experiencing trauma ourselves can help us to be more understanding of others going through similar trauma. I think that is why peer support from others with lived experience like this forum are so effective.

I also agree with @AussieRecharger that an unexpected situation like this can prompt reflection on life goals. The little thought in you that didn't immediately want a termination, and indulging in the possibility of becoming a mother suggest that you may not be as strongly against having children in your life as you previously thought. And there are other ways of having children in your life than motherhood - such as spending time with the children of friends or family members, or volunteering with children. Just an idea to consider if you feel this is something you would like to think about.