Why doesn't therapy work for me

Hey @Mrsomebody just keep being happy and engaging with people ask them if not sure, I’m sure they will have some sort of conversation, it sounds like you all are just trying to get know each more if not laugh 😂 and walk on the next lot there are heaps around find your people and be happy and safe, your a kind person anyway nothing to loose here.it’s what we see that counts in our lives.

hope your OK it’s all about you my friend love from @Clawde

Hi @Mrsomebody,

I'm sorry to hear that therapy hasn't been working for you, and that you have had experiences with counselling services where you weren't able to talk about what is going on for you in the ways that you wanted to. Reading through your post, I am hearing that you really value agency and choice when it comes to want you want to talk about with others, am I interpreting that correctly?

You mentioned that the first experience where you were able to talk to a psychologist, and had that emotional released that felt really liberating. In that discussion, did you feel you got to lead the conversation and have more choice over the areas you wanted to explore with them? I'm really sorry to hear the next experience felt like it was being steered in a direction you didn't want to go in- I can understand how it would be confusing and frustrating.

I am also hearing you might have been reaching out for support in those instances for other people, when you mentioned seeking support to make "them feel safe", do you mind clarifying what that means for you?

Well first of all I wanted to make them feel safe over telehealth because I know it can be intimidating for a female to see a man double her size with BPD like symptoms even though I've never hurt anyone they would have no idea what kind of a person I am. That's why I do telehealth to give them a sense of physical security I thought we could get more in depth if they felt like they were in a physical safe space like I said let's be real a woman sitting in a room with a man she does not know with mental health problems may not feel completely safe even a man wouldn't feel completely safe.

You are completely right with reading my statement I have found and I mean no disrespect to females at all that a lot of them don't understand what men are saying it's just something I've noticed through life now that I'm 40 now this isn't a bad thing because the opposite is true for men. It's just unbearably frustrating I see a psychologist like a mirror where you're bouncing things back you're not actually talking to them you're just using them as a tool to process which I believe is the whole point. What I just said then could be something that women don't get that could be offensive to them they might be like they're not tools but as a man I believe I'm paying for a service not a friend this is the disconnect between men and women I believe. And a lot of the men who do psychology geez let me tell you something I know understand what women mean when they say creepy men geez.🤣 I completely get the friendzone now

Hi @Mrsomebody

therapy is hard. Full Stop.. sometimes it feels like progress, othertimes a complete waste of time. As a man in his early 50's with 10 years of treatment post diagnosis for BPD. Treatment validity is only something that I can look back on now after a few months to years, to see what the clinician where trying to do and see how whilst I thought I new what they where doing and I had "GOT" the treatment at the time. I realised that I was only taking limited elements of the treatment or only understanding what I could take in at the time.

The important thing is to get a psychologist who you think you can build true trust with and who you feel/think has your back and is committed to a long term relationship Only then does it appear to work.

For whats it worth, each treatment/process can move you forward but the process is not linear. For me I have cycled from full functioning/working in senior jobs to full depression and incapability. The cycle of which has been pervasive all my life but is a pattern I can finally see how and why it plays out. What I am now starting to see/gain awareness of which may be similar to what you describe, and hopefully useful pertains to the mind block and dissasociation with therapy which has been persistant in reflection all along.

For me when pushed by a therapist into an emotional area that is threatening to me. Unconciously I will not necessary feel the anxiety, but my mind will get fuzzy, and I will loose track of the thread of the conversation (brain fog), As an automatic reaction I will pick up the conversation without noticing, or start talking technically or fast but will not be fully present or engaged (often I will joke, look away, divert the topic or just loose interest). The way I check if I have disonnected from myself and the underpinning hidden emotion is to try and remember what was said just before I started to "DO Things" if I cannot remember this. Its my sign to slow down and wait for the hidden emotion to come to the surface. Usually this is a very difficult thing, tears, panic attacks somatic pain, extreme anxiety.

As when that micro blackout occurs, something profound is happening with my anxiety and instead of feeling the anxiety, I blank out for a micro second, then quickly move onto something doing (eg talking, theorising, reflecting, looking away) this blank out stops me from feeling whatever the emotion/ anxiety was

Its these emotions that need to be processed and able to flow freely, as for me the "Doing Behaviours" are a mode of operating to reduce my anxiety and not sit with these hidden feelings.

Its like fumbling in the dark for a light switch you didnt know was there, but slowly the therapy is taking me to a different place of emotional connection and sometime peace. The therapist can see this happening when I miss it and bring it back to me to focus on (potentially similar to what was happening in your session). This takes a lot of time, A LOT of TIME to master, but when it starts to happen it a true release and little bit of extra self esteam/soul for me.

Hang in there, BPD is very tricky and what we know to be true, can sometimes be a safety mechanism to protect us from the unbearable pain of trauma or self doubt or validity. Whislt I have tried to get better on my own, the hard learnt reality is it takes a lot of time, effort and very committed therapist/s to get me there.

Treat yourself kindly as you are trying to be a better person, and its hard to do this, especially if you have BPD symptoms and in your 40's which is when I found it the most challenging.

all the very best

Hi @Bob2 and thank you so much for sharing your experience of accessing support, and the journey you have been on to make the connections and understandings of your emotional experience that you have now. It really highlights to me the unique nature of recovery, and the role of finding the avenues that work for you is unique (and sometimes filled with lots of trial and error) 🙂 I am so glad to hear that over time you have felt some change and movement, and I can hear how self aware you are around emotion and behaviour 🙂

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply it's really in depth and in detail. I need some time to process everything here so I can get back to you with a response that you deserve.

Hey @Bob2 @Daisydreamer @Mrsomebody

Good subject, makes one think, @Bob2 so well said.