Struggling

I’m very pissed off tonight. I have a cold which has turned into a cough had it for at least 2 weeks and every time I cough my body hurts and my head. Made the effort to take the dog to doggy park but I feel freakishly alone without energy and conversation is an effort. I’ve had to up my meds cos I can’t sleep cos I’m coughing all the time. I fear that when the cold clears I’ll still be pissed off with the state of my life and past hurts that haunt me. I’m pretty sure I effing hate people . Anyway see my shrink tomorrow- what’s she going to do? Take notes, smile, encourage my endeavours and blah blah .
I have to think of what I’m grateful for…what exactly

A virus can make you feel really miserable @perspective and atm there's also the worry it's Covid. At least there seem to be more RATs available now. Glad you have your dog for company.

Is there anything you can take for the cough and headache? Your pharmacist might be more help than your psychiatrist at this stage.

I started getting annual flu shots because my depression got so much worse when I was sick. Hope you're feeling better soon. Take care.

Thanks

I had a covid test 2 weeks ago and was negative. I’m thinking I’ve never had a cough like this. I might try finding a RAT tomorrow. It’s like a really dry cough that won’t clear.

I hope you managed to get a few hours rest @perspective.

Had a telehealth appointment with my psychologist today and talked about my ED and my sense of overwhelm at the ongoing mess of my living space and affairs.

My ED may be flaring up to give me a sense of internal control, control which I feel I lack externally, in my environment.

I want to take control of things and don't get why I can't just start tidying up or eating like a functioning adult.

Apparently it's because my MI is affecting me to the point of dysfunction.

Whatever, things need to change and soon.

We talked alot about strategies to get me started.

Also the need to eat and drink to maintain physical and mental health.

So ends my report to myself for today...

A terrible day today.

Woke up in middle of night feeling unwell.

Couldn't get back to sleep.

Lay in bed crying until mid morning.

Kept tossing and turning til after noon.

Dragged myself into the shower to try to wash away the feeling.

Felt on edge/ anxious regardless of shower and PRN meds.

Tried unsuccessfully to distract myself with games etc on phone.

Mozzies and insects outside and too hot/ humid to sit in ute.

Have almost run out of clean clothes but can't get motivated to go into town and visit the laundromat.

Cancelled the return of my horse with no new date.

Currently sipping water with night meds and wishing for sleep.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day...

Hello @RedHorse sorry you're going through this anxiety and feeling so miserable. I hope the PRNs and meds help and you have a better night tonight. You must be missing your horse and maybe missing human company too.

Can you stream TV on your phone? Movies from ABC iview or SBS on demand might suit better sometimes than games.

You'll probably be needing groceries as well as that visit to the laundromat soon. I know things can feel a huge effort sometimes but actually starting on it might ìmprove your mood. I'm reading a little book by a zen monk about how daily chores can be practised as mindfulness. I guess one has to adapt it to one's own situation... not all of us have temple floors to polish. I zoned out for a while this evening under the doona but will head for bed properly soon.

Hugs and best wishes

Dimity

I’ve beaten you in the stay in bed stakes - 4 pm. That’s a record granted I was up virtually up all night coughing my guts out. I feel like my head is about to explode. Found some ice cream so I got excited about that. Not really looking forward to bed cos I know I’m going to cough again - continuously. My depression is thru the roof at the moment cos I’m so sick. I wonder if I get sick because I’m depressed or the other way around.

That sounds really miserable @perspective. sending you virtual (socially distanced( hugs and best wishes. Sounds like time to consult your gp.

Yes thankyou

went to gp on Wednesday hence the ventolin, antihistamines and cough mixture , has made zero difference . I will tough out the weekend. Make an appointment Monday .