FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I was raped a little over 20 years ago now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and it occurred in my own home. I was physically injured, concussed, ashamed, afraid, embarrassed - all the usual things.

I never reported it to the authorities and never spoke to anyone about it. I had never been a particularly social person, but afterwards I isolated myself completely other than heading off to work dutifully each day.

After 18 years of almost constant battles with anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, etc, I finally sought help from a psychologist. Initially it was for pain management as I suffered a severe back injury about 2 years after the rape. So after almost 2 years of occasional appointments I finally told her during a particularly difficult time (anniversary) what had happened all those years ago.

So early last year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. On my clinical psychologists advice I have undergone a series of Exposure Therapy and CBT last year. It was a long, arduous and extremely difficult process. However, it did help to some degree.

However the nightmares, anxiety symptoms, etc continued. This was probably made worse as last year was an extremely difficult one for me all round. My little 11yo niece was killed in a car accident, my brother seriously and permanently injured, I was retrenched from my job when the business was sold, and I found out that my husband was cheating on me again. So I guess none of that helped.

And then on 29th February this year it was the 20th anniversary of my trauma. It seemed to hit me even harder than usual, I dont know why. There just seemed to be triggering events around every corner, it was awful. I struggled very badly.

My psychologist decided to try EMDR treatment once things settled down a bit. She felt it would help with the emotional content of my traumatic memories. So between April and early September this year, I have undergone 10 2xhour EMDR sessions. I am now on a break to see how things are now.

But in the meantime she wants me to talk to people about what happened, as it is an important part of the recovery process she says. However I find this really hard as I do not have any friends (my hubby is a narsissist according to my psychologist). I have become very isolated other than for my part-time work which I was lucky enough to find in January. I do some volunteer work in the aged care industry, which I enjoy. But I just do not have any friends I am able to talk to. My family live a long way away, and I could never tell them anyway.

Although I am still unable to verbally speak about the rape, I can now write about it, and even think about it to some extent, without bringing on a panic attack. So that's progress. I hope that by discussing it further and by learning how other people cope with their PTSD symptoms, I can further desensitise myself from my traumatic memories.

Hence my decision to try an online forum. I look forward to responses from other people who have had similar experiences to myself. I am definitely more of a listener than a talker, so I hope that I may be able to be of assistance to others here as well.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story.

2344 replies

631 - 640 of 2,344

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Peri I'm happy to talk, and I understand your need for discretion. We all need to exercise some of that at times. How did you go with finding the @ button? Or I should have called it a key? I just checked your profile to see if you had already started your thread. You hadn't. But I did see some very interesting looking photos you posted on your profile. Are they from some of your travels? I will check back later. I'm sorry you are feeling fragile at present. I can certainly relate to that feeling. I dont understand how I could give you strength, especially given I am feeling so fragile myself right now. But if I do, then I'm glad. Perhaps you can explain that to me?

Sherry 💕

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hugs @Former-Member

I totally get how you’re feeling reg your therapist.

I had a psychologist for 5 yrs snd last year he told me he couldn’t htlp me snymire. Thst news sent me into a hysterical sobbing mess. As soon as I got into my car I thought of being abandoned rejected and hated.

It took me a long while to get over this. Niw I have a new psychologist snd I still get scared thst she will one day say she csnt help snymire.

I feel for you.

Christmas time is really difficult for your family. I feel for you and your family.

Hugs @Former-Member🤗❤️❤️

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi sherry,

yes the photos are from a holiday I had in Cornwall they were taken in the lost gardens of helicon. It was a wonderful time.

it gives me strength to read other people’s stories and how they are, particularly people I feel a connection to

peri

I am having trouble working this forum

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Lost gardens of heligon

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Peri 😊

Yes the Lost Gardens do look special. So much history over there, its fascinating. We are such a young country here in Australia. I too have some special memories from some of my travels. I think there is a travel thread here somewhere that may interest you. Not sure where now, but perhaps @Shaz51 or @faith--and--hope could help me out by tagging you in there?

Yes, its true that hearing other peoples stories can be very inspiring. Though we tend to underestimate our own sometimes. The story of your own is very inspiring Peri, one of great personal hardship and victory. Feel free to write more on your thread when you feel comfortable and ready.

Yes the Sane site does take some working out. It takes a bit of time and patience to master it. I'm still learning, and I've been around, off and on, for about 2 years now. I hope you persevere though, as it is worthwhile.

Okay, Im going to try now for some more sleep. Talk further tomorrow.

Sherry 💕😴

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I'm trying to overcome feelings of deep betrayal, disappointment, resentment, sadness and abandonment. Nothing at all to do with here I should add. I feel like crawling into a hole and just giving up. I don't know why I ever bothered to try to improve things elsewhere, I only put myself in danger by doing so. Despite my best intentions and efforts over a 3 year period my voice was never heard. Too many personal agendas and backroom cliques, too much defending their own at all costs. I will never understand this. It was all so wrong, so unfair. Now I'm the one left appearing like the bad guy, the crazy one, the trouble maker. I'm not ... I detest conflict, it makes me physically sick. But I am also a person who will stand up for what I believe is right, whatever the cost to me. The cost was high, and now I am suffering the consequences.

I have to learn to set this aside, to let it go. There is nothing more I can do about it now, too many bridges burned. I have been stewing over the past several days, making myself sicker than I already was. My suicidal thoughts have returned in force. I feel helpless, defenceless and wronged. But I know I cannot survive with this bitterness lingering within me. It will eat me up and spit me out. I tried to retreat, let things settle. It didn't seem to be working so this is plainly something I need to get out of me. I need to speak my mind, get this knot of pain out of me. I need people to understand .. the why's, how's. I can't allow myself to close off from would be support or to wallow in self pity. I need support, even more so now than ever before. I need to find a way to recover from this and heal. My psych said change is very unsettling, especially when having a traumatic past. So what do I do to accept, adapt and lessen the pain? If I were not affected by long standing trauma, would I cope any better with this? Or is it just further trauma on top of existing trauma? I guess PTSD just stuffs up our brain and we are less able to process or adapt. I dont know, I'm confused about it all.

I rang and made an appointment with a hairdresser yesterday for a haircut, and got straight in. I was lucky. I have long hair and only ever get it cut once or twice a year. Hubby likes short hair, or long hair worn 'up'. So I try to compromise by always keeping it long enough to put up. Getting a haircut is meant to make you feel good isn't it? It didn't. Oh it's a good cut, but I just don't feel good about it. This morning when I looked in the mirror all I could see were haunted looking, sunken eyes with sleep-deprived dark circles. The scar beneath my eye (from recent removal of BCC skin cancer) seems more obvious. My chicken pox scars from childhood are now visible around my temple. If I'm to be honest I'm looking gaunt and sick. I look at other scars too, the hidden ones. Hidden to others, but obvious to me. I've aged a lot over the past 3 years. I'm 59 but, until this year I always looked much younger. Perhaps a considerable loss of weight over the past 12 months has contributed to this. Whatever the cause, I now look and feel much older than my years. Cutting the fringe has exposed previuosly hidden flaws, I feel I cannot hide any more. I've always liked a longer fringe to hide behind. Hubby hates it though and always makes sure I know it. He likes the new cut though. I'm glad about that, as it seems I have nothing left in life other than to try my best to please him. Maybe I should just get a short pixie cut, which would please him even more. No .. not ready for that just yet. A bit radical for me, something which I'm not. I am a very conservative and shy type of person.

I would like to thank SANE and everyone here for your wonderful support over the past couple of years. I know I have come and gone a little over that time, but you have always been consistent in your enveloping support and comfort. You have been my saviour through many tough times, a safe island upon which to land.

I may be a little haphazard in my posts for a while as I try to figure out whether I need to talk or just vegetate and slowly subside from existance.

@Maggie @Zoe7 @BlueBay @Starta @Peri @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope

Sherry

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Dear @Former-Member,

i understand how you are feeling , but you should not be feeling this way. You did nothing wrong I am sure. I don’t think you are bad or crazy. I think that you were treated badly. I wish I could say more. But you should hold your head high.

i am going to the hairdresser on Saturday. I have been growing out a pixie cut most of the year. So I now have a bob type style and it needs a good shaping. I love the pixie cut.

i too have lost a lot of weight this year and am looking somewhat craggy for it.

I understand you may need to keep to yourself for a bit to process what happened, but don’t you dare subside from existence. You are important to me and others too I am sure.

I don’t think you should give these other people your emotional energy.

please be gentle with yourself

peri

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hey there @Former-Member thank you for sharing, your post was beautifully written albeit painful. I hope you know we all hear you, and send you love.

Are you getting any support around the suicidal thoughts? SCBS or Lifeline?

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Often when we are feeling lke you are presently @Former-Member it is good to stay connected but I totally appreciate that it is not always possible to do that either.

I hear you Hon and know by your words that you are in a dark hole right now - there is a way out but it does take time. You have so much going for you and these people have their eyes shut if they cannot see it - you are an amazing support to many here, your words inspire others, you are extremely empathetic and you care deeply for others. These are all such wonderful attributes and make you the amazing person you are. It seems that these people have their own agendas and if you do not fit into the mould that they have themselves formed then you are on the outer - there is no fault to be given out here - sometimes we simply move on because our own morals and beliefs do not align with others. Stay true to yourself Hon and these people will one day realise what they have lost in their lives with you no longer being in them - 100% their loss @Former-Member.

You continue to be the amazing person you are and search for that little light in each day - and while you do that let us support you through this darkness. You are much loved and cared for here and such an integral member of this community.

Love and hugs and many of these

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Dear @Peri. Your words are kind and I believe you say what you mean. So thank you. 🌺 Not sure about holding my head high though, I feel downtrodden and ground into the dirt just one too many times by them.
Your hair sounds pretty, and I'm glad you are treating yourself with some self care. I hope it helps to make you feel good about yourself.

As for the weight loss. I've never carried excess weight, being what you'd call slim and petite. But during a particularly harrowing past 12 months I unintentionally lost a lot of weight, going from a healthy weight to being underweight. Much has contributed to that. So many personal drama's and pain over the past 15 months or so. I've spoken about most of it here in my thread over the past year or two.

You are so sweet to say I am important to you. To be honest I am running on empty when it comes to emotional energy. I will try to be gentle with myself, but its difficult to do. I am so full of self doubt right now too. But I promise I'll try. How are you doing anyway. This somehow ended up all about me, I'm sorry.

@Former-Member- Thank you for your message, as well as your compliment about my writing. That was unexpected. But I do find that my writing skills can be quite good when I am in an emotional hole. Which is why poetry comes clearer during those times. For me, writing is an opportunity to express myself. Something my psych has always encouraged me to do as a means of therapy, or of cleansing the soul I guess.

Current support? Ummm, I saw my psych a week ago. That was when she told me she was putting her clinical psych business up for sale, and things would change. That was very upsetting at the time. I have since spoken to her a couple of times via email, which she has asked me to do. She has tried to reassure me about her continued availability, but I am unable to get it out of my head that one day she will no longer be there for me. Thats hard, because there isnt anyone else in my real life. And I just cannot even consider having to go through everything with someone new. She is aware I experience suicidal thoughts. I dont tell her as such, but when she asks I am unable to lie about them. But for now, please dont worry, I know all the right numbers to call if I become too overwhelmed by my thoughts. They are strong at times, but I think I have a handle on them for now. Thanks for your concern however. 🌹

@Zoe7- I'm not sure at this stage what I need, or what is best for me. I do need connection to others, I know that much. And I am quite isolated in my current situation. I think I just need to see how I feel at any given time. Sometimes I feel I could write all day long about my feelings. Other times I clam up and dont want to say a word.

I really appreciate all those very generous words from you Zoe. You've always been so understanding and kind to me, and so many others. Right now though, I dont feel any of that. My confidence has taken a big hit, I feel so pathetic and with no sense of purpose. I am of no use to anyone here at present, it just isnt in me. I am in too deep myself to be able to even attempt to support anyone else. I fear saying something wrong, of hurting someone unintentionally. I've never been good enough, or at least I've never felt good enough. I try .. very hard .. but clearly, I fail a heck of a lot. When continually told by hubby and then by (supposed) peers that I'm useless and unworthy, then you do start to believe it. My confidence and sense of worth has never been at a healthy point I guess, so it doesnt take much to diminish it to the point of oblivion.

The love and hugs and kind thoughts are very much appreciated though Zoe, so thank you so much. I will get around to visiting you on your thread again soon. 🌸

@Starta- I have not heard from you in a while, I really hope you're doing okay. I will visit your thread again tonight to check in with you. I know you are busy during week days with therapy sessions etc, so do not want to inundate you with too many posts. Just know I care and am thinking of you. 💜

Sherry 💕🤗

631 - 640 of 2,344