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Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I was raped a little over 20 years ago now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and it occurred in my own home. I was physically injured, concussed, ashamed, afraid, embarrassed - all the usual things.

I never reported it to the authorities and never spoke to anyone about it. I had never been a particularly social person, but afterwards I isolated myself completely other than heading off to work dutifully each day.

After 18 years of almost constant battles with anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, etc, I finally sought help from a psychologist. Initially it was for pain management as I suffered a severe back injury about 2 years after the rape. So after almost 2 years of occasional appointments I finally told her during a particularly difficult time (anniversary) what had happened all those years ago.

So early last year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. On my clinical psychologists advice I have undergone a series of Exposure Therapy and CBT last year. It was a long, arduous and extremely difficult process. However, it did help to some degree.

However the nightmares, anxiety symptoms, etc continued. This was probably made worse as last year was an extremely difficult one for me all round. My little 11yo niece was killed in a car accident, my brother seriously and permanently injured, I was retrenched from my job when the business was sold, and I found out that my husband was cheating on me again. So I guess none of that helped.

And then on 29th February this year it was the 20th anniversary of my trauma. It seemed to hit me even harder than usual, I dont know why. There just seemed to be triggering events around every corner, it was awful. I struggled very badly.

My psychologist decided to try EMDR treatment once things settled down a bit. She felt it would help with the emotional content of my traumatic memories. So between April and early September this year, I have undergone 10 2xhour EMDR sessions. I am now on a break to see how things are now.

But in the meantime she wants me to talk to people about what happened, as it is an important part of the recovery process she says. However I find this really hard as I do not have any friends (my hubby is a narsissist according to my psychologist). I have become very isolated other than for my part-time work which I was lucky enough to find in January. I do some volunteer work in the aged care industry, which I enjoy. But I just do not have any friends I am able to talk to. My family live a long way away, and I could never tell them anyway.

Although I am still unable to verbally speak about the rape, I can now write about it, and even think about it to some extent, without bringing on a panic attack. So that's progress. I hope that by discussing it further and by learning how other people cope with their PTSD symptoms, I can further desensitise myself from my traumatic memories.

Hence my decision to try an online forum. I look forward to responses from other people who have had similar experiences to myself. I am definitely more of a listener than a talker, so I hope that I may be able to be of assistance to others here as well.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story.

2344 replies

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In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member

Its good you pulled it together and sent second post. I think like @Owlunar about keeping the tshirt. Many things can trigger us deeply and that would certainly do the job. You probably were not sure at the time, and maybe this can be a good healing cathartic process about that event. A time of looking at it and feeling deeply and ... maybe letting a lot of the pain go. So that next time you are triggered it is not such an overwhelming experience.

Inner work is an ongoing process, but I have found there are tipping points. A particular pattern or event can be processed and released. Things do need to come to consciousness and it is with consciousness that we can understand. In that way tears can be cleansing and healing.

Hugs

Apple

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Everyone ... thank you so very much for your understanding, sensitive and caring responses. I will get to all of you when I can. Not tagging everyone right now ... but you all know who you are. I just wanted to respond in the first instance to our lovely @Owlunar .

@Owlunar ... After reading your heartbreaking post last night ... I didnt know quite where to start with regards to a response. 💔😔

Firstly, you are probably right about the t-shirt. I was in a daze for many days, both from a blow to the head as well as the emotional aspects of what happened. As I dont even recall ever doing anything with clothes at the time, I guess I probably just did what I always do. And that would have included usual laundry routines. When in distress and in a state of disbelief ... routine sets in. And you follow routine to a letter, in an effort to make life seem as normal as possible. Yeah ... I expect you're right about that. Its odd, because I really never thought about any of this since then, until this past week. Perhaps its worth discussing this with my psych when I next see her.

Physically helpless ... yes very much so. Although I was fit and sporty at the time, I was/am slight in build. When up against a tall fit man who was an active army reservist, yeah exactly ... what can you do?

Gee @Owlunar ... I feel deeply touched and privileged that you spoke about your own "abridged" story of what happened to you within your marriage. I am so very sorry that happened to you at all, but also the aftermath of it re the pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. It just makes it all that much worse. I was terrified after the rape that I might be pregnant, but thankfully that was not the case. I have no idea what I would have done if it turned out that I was expecting a baby. Not sure I could have coped with that, but nor could I ever have harmed a growing life.

Yes indeed, rape within a marriage is definitely a crime. Although I believe its massively under reported, much more so than offenses outside of marriage. And even that remains sadly very low. And yet you can understand why that is.

Unfortunately rape within a marriage is often seen as marital rights, intimacy to be had on demand. Yeah okay ... thats very old school ... but its still very much the thinking for many or most. Within my marriage ... there have been times. Perhaps all I should say is that its a very fine line.

Although my rape was not commited by my marriage partner, it was someone I had known and trusted. He was a former boyfriend that I had not seen or heard of in something like 3 years prior to that night. We had split up amicably after having gone out together for about a year. No matter who the perpetrator of the crime is though Dec ... it is a massive breach of trust. And exponentially so when it is by someone we know and should have been able to trust. I still do not know why he suddenly turned up out of the blue that night, or why he literally turned on me as he did. Maybe drugs were involved? He smelled of smoke, maybe he was on something. The smell of smoke remains one of my worst triggers. The sense of smell causes a very powerful response for most people I think .. both good and bad memories.

I'm really glad to hear Dec that you sought some counselling over what happened to you. When you mention CASA, I'm guessing you are referring to the Victorian Centre Against Sexual Assault? And not the Civil Aviation Safety Authority. Lol. 😉 Can I ask how long you received counselling after the event, and did you find it helpful? I never sought any help or assistance of any sort until many years after my rape. Never spoke to anyone about it at all. That was until about 6 years ago now I guess, when I started to see my current clinical psych for pain management for a long term back injury. After seeing her for a year or so, she accidentally stumbled upon my history during one of our sessions. Oops.

Anyway I really wanted to thank you Dec for sharing all that with me. I have always felt that you 'understood' me, and I guess I can see a little clearer now, why that might be. Yes it was different for you .. different circumstances ... but the result is much the same.

The symbolic burning of the t-shirt was a good thing I believe. And you are right too that writing about our story, and receiving a sympathetic response from understanding people, is very therapeutic. This is what my psych wanted for me when she suggested 3 years ago that I join an online peer support forum. Thanks for your kind words Dec ... as well as your observation that I am beginning to use my voice. Its much easier to use our voice, if we are heard.

Thank you Dec for your evening sunset photo ... its very beautiful. And thanks too for the hugs. Gently one returned to you too, being careful not to hurt that shoulder of yours.

Sherry 💕🙏🌺

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I'm so sorry @Former-Member I didn't this post until now. And I'm sorry for what you went through and now re living it sgsin with the tshirt. Sending you loving hugs and prayers that these nightmares and flashbacks stop.
thinking of you a lot ❤️🤗❤️🤗

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thanks @Former-Member, that a very meaningful picture ... the tortured tree which keeps on living. Keep on keeping on and eventually we may all sprout wings and bloom as never before. Cant keep a good person down they say ... Gotta say that fallen tree looks full of life. Gives hope that even those of us who keep falling, may one day come back to life again. Thank you my beautiful friend for constantly and consistently being here for me. And for showling such unfailing understanding, especially when I need it the most, and when I feel so alone. You are always there.

@Bunniekins ... what can I say? You are the sweetest most caring Pea anyone could ever imagine. I want you always to be here for me and by my side. And I will be here for you too, god willing, any time you need a helping hand. Going to miss you so much, while you are off doing more important things, such as uni studies. And I am so very proud of you for doing that. I think its wonderful that you have such an interest in Criminology, and have decided to study it further. How long is your uni course, and what sort of qualifications do you come out the other side with?

@eth ... thank you. I know life is difficult for you right now and that you have so much happening around you. Makes your presence here, all the more special. Eternally grateful.

Sherry 🙏🌺

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Molliex ... no words are necessary,honestly. I know you are still suffering from the miscarriage. And I read elsewhere about the special party you had planned for someone this weekend too. That must have been so disapopointing to hear that it wasnt going to happen due to illness. Especially given the mighty effort you had put into all the planning. Is there any way your plans can be postponed, rather than cancelled, I wonder?

@Appleblossom ... Thank you. It was not easy, and I had several attempts to complete that last post about the triggering t-shirt. Your insight is valued, and I thank you for that. Rather than repeat some things, I will refer you to my post to @Owlunar a little while ago. I think what you are saying is something along the lines of Exposure Therapy? With more and more exposure to traumatic memories, eventually they can lose their immediate impact and thus power over us. Thats true. I think though, that no matter what, there will always remain some tipping points which are unavoidable. Thanks Apple and a gentle hug to you also

@BlueBay ... no need to apologise at all Bluebay. You have been having so many health issues lately, and I know you have been very unwell. Please do not concern yourself about not being here for me. I know you always are when you can, and thats always appreciated. You are a good friend BlueBay. I am about to go and post a reply to your thread. My apologies I have not been there in a few days. I have been reading along however. See you there soon.

Sherry 😊🌸

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Owlunar @Former-Member i was scared about getting pregnant (with one time in particular) when the abuse was happening too. Thankfully it never happened but sometimes it still pops into my mind that 'what if then lost it' and i hadnt known sort of thing,didnt realise thats what was happening esp with pcos (not that id known that back then. )

@Former-Member with the clothing you wouldn't have been thinking but also since it was one of your favourites it wouldve been in thr back of your mind that aspect too. Our brains are powerful things even when done subconsciously like saving the shirt. I have a ring that holds mixed memories. The ring is one that my nan gave to me( like one that was personally hers she gave to me before she passed away) , i honestly cannot bear to throw it out but i was also wearing it a few times when things happened. Very mixed msgs with that one. It is actually in a ring box in one of my storage boxea in my room too. I cant bring myself to wear it but cant bare to throw it/sell/etc. I think our brains try to also hold onto the good memories from certsin items too including favourite shirts.

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member Hey Sherry hoping you are sound asleep dreaming sweet dreams . I hope I will be able to finish the course in 3 years but you are allowed to stretch out to 10! 😮 The course gives you qualifications to become a police officer, parole officer and working in all sorts of areas like environmental crime for example. I initially wanted to become a parole officer but working in environmental crime helping wildlife really appeals so will have to wait and see how the course pans out :p. I will miss you all terribly too when I officially start but will definiately keep in touch so dont forget about pea will you xxx

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thought of you when I saw this beautiful rose yesterday @Former-Member 💐💜🌿

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thinking of you @Former-Member

Not much to say, but wanted to pop by to say, hi!

Life has been exhausting.

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member

Just to fill in the "abridged" version and answer your questions - the night of the event until I learned that rape marriage is a crime - wow - many years had passed - about 20 - and time is a great healer - I only had a few sessions with - which was a Society for Abused Women - I think that the nastiness that both my husband and I experienced got a lot of the anger out but hey - I wouldn't want anyone else to go through that - it was horrible and separation and property settlement issues can bring out the worst in both partners and it sure did -

And I do believe that habitual silence from one member of a partnership/marriage - is a form of abuse and as years passed my irritation and anger toward my husband increased my independence and I had done a lot of the work done toward healing myself of many things - including the rape

I didn't want any more children - my son was such a handful and getting harder to manage and my pregnancy with my daughter had been fraught with difficulties I didn't want to repeat - and I was keeping track of my irregular rhythym and knew I was fertile which was why I denied sex that night - and told my husband the reason - and still - after about 44 years

his denial anything took place feels like a splinter in my shirt between my shoulder blades - as if he remembers nothing - and what he ever thought about is something I never know and of course never will - I haven't seen him for years and haven't spoken to him for longer,

To this day I am sorry about that miscarriage but it is in the past like the others - I have let it go long since - I probably would have miscarried any future pregnancy - my daughter is a miracle - and the rose of my life - not that she wants to hear about it at all - she is very precious and I believe God intended her to be

But yes - it is a tragic thing that so many men thing women to be chattles to this day - they can't seem to live without us and often remarry quickly if that has to be the case - women are hopefully more circumspect - and I really like to hear - more than that - want to hear about and admire women who continue their education

Today I feel very tired - the pain in my shoulder - though not as severe as the spinal pain I have - is intense and of an entirely different nature - so I am taking this easy - the day after tomorrow I see the shoulder specialist.

My GP told me something about a reverse shoulder replacement - and he didn't want to explain because I might be confused - of course I went back to him after reading about this operation on the internet - and not just googling either - I was really studying it - and I was right - my doctor really didn't understand the surgery and this convinced me that I was right to investigate and I have a bunch of questions for the specialist.

It seems better for me to go the way of pain management with the pain specialist - I'm seeing him in about 6 weeks though I might might try and see him sooner after I see the shoulder surgeon -

I am so glad I have so much formal education when it comes to anatomy - the muscles and bones particularly - going through this without knowing what I know would be a monster-maze event - but I do know what the hard words mean

Take things easy as you work through your story Sherry - you have had a really rough time - you seem to have built up some resilience surviving all this as you have up till now - and yes - that friend you had - what a bad thing that turned out to be - he was certainly a creep - worse than a creep - and your life changed forever -

You are a friend indeed - we do have things in common - and inner strength seems to be one of them

I have to leave the computer alone for now - but I will be back - after a rest I might use my phone which is easier on my shoulder - it just takes longer

I'm glad you like that sunset picuter too - it's in very quiet, sombre tones - I like it myself

Sending gentle hugs

Dec

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