Doing everything right but...

@Gwynn That's a really nice way to look at things, you sound like you've done a lot of amazing stuff to help other and I'm certain each person you've aided appreciates it. I learned how to crochet to feel a connection to my grandmother too, she tried to teach me but I could never grasp it, so last year I made a real effort to learn... I like to make toys mostly, knitting was always so slow for me. I don't actually feel any connection to her through it, in principle it was a nice idea though. I also find I get so focused on new hobbies or tasks like that and end up stressing myself out about them and getting burnt-out, sometimes it'll be for as much as a few years before I pick an old hobby back up. It might be an ADHD thing, I'm so new to that diagnosis that I haven't had much of an opportunity to view my past experiences through that lens and troubleshoot some coping mechanisms with someone who knows how to help.

As for finding meaningfulness in little things. I just can't feel it, no matter how much I've volunteered or if I help someone I feel like I've achieved nothing and done nothing worthwhile or meaningful... and people try to tell me that I should feel like I've done something good, but I just can't - it could be that I'm just so deeply burnt-out and for so long that I just don't have even that subtle emotion in me. Just like It's been such a long time since I've felt any sense of achievement - getting into uni, graduating with a bachelors then with a masters, getting a job - I feel nothing. I don't really have any way that I express myself either, or maybe my lack of self-expression is my self-expression if that makes sense... I've never been into self-expression through clothing, or hair or makeup or anything of the sort, I'm just me

I really do appreciate the comment though, this seems to have been something you have struggled with too since you are coming from such a well considered and thought-out standpoint - complete with references 🙂 I hope I get to that point someday too. I also hope your friends cat is okay - I am a chronic cat worrier as well

I hear you @Campbarry and @Gwynn has provided some really great insight, you have helped me too! 😁

I recently discovered Dr Jud Brewer via a podcast I was listening to and that helped me a lot. I will leave it here in case you can take something away from it too 🙂https://podcasts.apple.com/tr/podcast/dr-jud-brewer-on-curiosity-as-the-fix-for-anxiety/id1548626341?i=1000536897113