not coping with New job

Hi @Campbarry,

First off, welcome to the forums. I hope you find it to be a very supportive and understanding community here.

Secondly, I also have ADHD so I can totally relate to what you're saying! It can be almost impossible sometimes to actually process what people are saying, especially if they are giving a long list of instructions verbally. Do you feel like you could tell your supervisor you have ADHD? That way you might get a little more understanding from her. Or maybe just say you have sensory processing issues and need instructions to be written down for you to be able to follow them properly.

I think it's almost a universal experience for us ADHDer's to have a sort of 'imposter syndrome' type of thing, this feeling of being a failure or of being incompetent. But it is not a reflection of us! Our brains just work differently, and we have strengths in different areas!

Another common experience for us is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which means that quite often we will assume that people don't like us, and rejection can be super painful - even imagined rejection can feel like the world ending! But it is quite possible that your supervisor doesn't feel that way at all.

I can't tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but perhaps give it a little more time to see if things get a bit easier? Especially if you are able to communicate your differing needs in order to ensure you're able to do the job to the best of your ability 😊

Hi @Campbarry That is a tough situation you are in. May I suggest if you are having trouble getting the words out tomorrow that you show your post (name excluded of course) to your job coach as you have explained very well how you are feeling and what you are dealing with. Sometimes staying in a job is not worth the mental anguish but there are of course centrelink issues to deal with as well - make an informed decision knowing what restrictions may be placed on you if you leave/resign as I know there are often long wait times for when you leave a job and you do not need, on top of everything else, no income coming in at all. It is a tough position - deteriorating mental and physical health OR an income - sometimes the system does not help those that need it the most 😔

I could have written that about myself that is exactly how I feel. I was recently laid off I have BPD like symptoms and really struggle the same way you do. I actually left a few jobs because of the way I felt after leaving I realised no one felt what what I was thinking, I really feel for you and wish you the best what works for me is I say I have nothing to lose if you're going to leave anyway what do you have to lose by staying. Although it's really hard and I know how you feel

Hey @Campbarry

When I read what you said, I thought about how much must be going through your head when you are doing this task. If you were to ask your boss for some help to feel comfortable, what would you be asking for? Can they make you feel comfortable, or do you need to do that for yourself?

When I read your post, I wondered if an app such as the smiling mind meditations playing while you work might help to settle your nerves?

@Campbarry I am so sorry your new job is making you feel so stressed. You have only just started and are learning - no one gets everything right straight away, ever!! Your supervisor may be expecting too much which makes things way harder for you. I agree with what others here have said that maybe if you tell your supervisor about your ADHD he/she may be a little more tolerant. At the end of day, you are new in the role so I am sure your mistakes are related to learning your role and not ‘stupid mistakes’. Please be kind to yourself, big hugs.

@Jynx @Zoe7 @Mrsomebody @AussieRecharger @Lilly6
Thank you for your kind words and advice. Things are looking a bit better already with a bit more freedom away from my supervisor (who is also my boss, forgot to mention that) and space to feel like I'm improving... I'm still not emotionally doing great (I guess it goes deeper than just the job), and still feel like I can't handle staying in the job -> but in saying that I'm having more moments where it feels doable for the relatively short time period I was expecting to stay (6months to a year).

@Jynx I hadn't hear of rejection sensitivity dysphoria before - I was only diagnosed with ADHD very recently (after finishing all my studying, but that's a whole bitter episode for another time) - but thank you for bringing it up, I looked it up and it really does resonate with a lot of my experiences in life. Now hopefully I can bring it up in therapy and come up with tools to work through it.

Things sound a little more positive @Campbarry It is a cliche but take one day at a time, find those small moments of joy and/or a positive in each day. We so often focus on all the negatives without realising there have been so many positives - but no matter how small, we can always find them. For me, in the past, just getting up each day was the only positive but it counted.

@Campbarry I'm really glad to hear that you are feeling a bit more contented in the job, even if there's still some stuff bubbling under the surface. And very glad to hear that my info has been helpful!

RSD is tricky, because it's not necessarily something you can just... not feel. I think for me I try to follow the anxiety to its logical (or illogical) conclusion and ask "So what?"

e.g. "What if this person doesn't like me?" So what? So I will feel that pain of rejection, which is never fun, but to this day I have survived 100% of the rejections I've experienced. I also found this little comic which helped heaps (the whole series is worth checking out, Chats with the Void on instagram):
Just a nice reminder that someone's opinion of you is a reflection of them as a person, not of you 💜

Hi @Campbarry I am glad that you are having moments where your job seems doable. As time goes on you will likely find more and more of it will feel that way!

Never mind. Today is a Sunday, I work on Sunday's in my schedule (this will be my second Sunday, but my first was only a half day so that's what I was expecting) - but I was unsure about what time to show up, since it is strongly determined by the heat, so I messaged my supervisor to ask and she never got back to me. I decided to go at 6am because that's the base time in my roster, the gates were locked until eventually someone showed up - I was not listed on the daily schedule, I still have no idea what my main responsibilities are, and as people started to show up they didn't know either. I waited half an hour for one of the people who might be my supervisors to show up, they didn't so I left. I felt so stupid - I cried all the way home. I just paid $100 a couple of days ago to get a crash course in manual driving, so that I could drive the vehicles on the farm, I don't know why I bothered.
I'm at least going to try and have a new job lined up before I leave; but I can't do this... I feel so unwelcome.