Are you a people pleaser?????

Good topic @Shaz51 !

I was a really bad people-pleaser (and still struggle with it too) and took me a long time to recognise that I needed to learn to recognise my own needs too!

People-pleasing is actually a trauma response! You can read more about it here. Would love to hear others' experiences too!

Hello @Jynx

My mum just said I ammmmm too nice

Could not eat my dinner tonight @Jynx , @BlueBay , @Anastasia , @Emelia8 , @Judi9877 , @Faith-and-Hope , @Zoe7 , @ShiningStar , @Dimity , @Scoo , @Appleblossom

I am a people pleaser snd have been all my life. I didn’t know it’s a trauma response @Jynx @Shaz51

Thsts me - a fawner @Jynx

interesting read. It’s so me!!!

I hate confrontation

hate fights

cannot stand up for myself

It is as my mum and aunty can not go up the steps anymore @BlueBay , @Jynx

So instead of cramming everyone in my mum's room downstairs, we have set up a table for 8 people for tomorrow morning tea celebrations

Hope ur OK @Shaz51 not feeling like eating is a worry.

Re being a people pleaser when I was working I had the bad habit of speaking up to bosses etc instead of leaving things unsaid. So I guess that's a no. Sticking my head over the parapet was what some called it. I guess I had good intentions if that counts for anything.

Aww @Shaz51 sounds super complicated, and thus super stressful! I hope you can have a little snack later on.

Since when is being too nice a character flaw! If others take advantage of that, then shame on them, not on you!

@BlueBay Super interesting to learn hey! It helped me to be a little bit nicer to myself, because I needed to learn that I am actually allowed to want and have things! The tricky part is learning to listen to my own wants, because so often when I ask myself what I want it can appear to be stuff like "I just want this person to be happy" or "I just want us not to fight."

Hugs @Dimity

Mr shaz and I have set up a table for tomorrow morning tea under the patio with no aircon

My mum did not want everyone crammed into her bedroom tomorrow xxx

Used to be @Shaz51 but not anymore. ...and Yes part of the trauma response is the need to actually be seen and heard because history has shown that hasn't happened. But part of 'recovery' also is self awareness and improvement in how we see ourselves - and no longer the need to be 'seen' in any situation. I am also very introverted and like to sit back and take in a whole situation before I respond (if at all). I have also learnt to look after myself first and you cannot be everything to everyone. I also used to be the one to contact or connect with people - now I just don't care. It needs to be a two-way street or nothing at all - that may seem harsh but the reality is if I am not important enough in someone else's life to make contact with me occasionally then that is not a friendship/relationship I need.

As for your Mum my sister - let it wash over you because you are one of the nicest, kindest and most compassionate people I have had the pleasure to meet and get to know over the last 5 years. If you are okay with being a 'people pleaser' then so be it - that is not a negative in my eyes whether your mother wants to try to make it that way or not. You continue to do you Shaz - and know we here will continue to support and love the wonderful person you are 💖💖💖