Advice please ... Whats going on 😭

Hiya everyone

I'm writing this as I'm not sure what is happening... It's been a very turbulent year for me.

I had my second baby and the birth was horrific, which resulted in an emergency section. She's now 1 year old.

After this I had the coil inserted as didn't want to get pregnant again..

I found myself lashing out to ppl then feeling guilty. Then read the coil messes with your hormores so.put it Down to this in the hope it would settle down.

I then moved to Australia from the UK, leaving my mam who was my main support and go to person for help.

I'm now here , my sister is here and we spend a lot of time together.

I'm not the same person though, I know I am not. My eldest is 2 and he doesnt sit well in restaurants, I am dealing with my baby girl and he pretty much runs circles around me . I tell him to stop but he doesn't , I try my best to get him to listen or sit still but it keeps happening. I then get , all I can describe it as is a ball of fire in my throat, a throbbing head to the point I hold it.. I feel sick and dizzy. We don't do restaurants anymore.

I find myself panicking over the littlest of things, if I don't see him immediately in the park when playing I'm running around pretty much turning the park upside down looking for him. My heart races and I'm noticeably shaken (ppl comment stop stressing).

Another thing I do which is new to me is I fabricate arguments. I think someone is going to say something to me about something and I will reply out loud (at home ) by myself, justifying my actions, I can have a full debate with myself about why I do things... Most of the time no one even says anything to me anyway.

I don't sleep good... Not sure why some days I'm exhausted ca. Sleep from 7pm other days I am awake all night.

Most recently, my sister organised a family meal on father's day... She had her husband's family and my dad. We weren't invited, I convinced myself my whole family don't like my son and didn't want him there spoiling it. So I had an argument with her. She said she wasn't thinking and invited my dad last minute as it was more a meal for her husband than my dad. That I was being silly and over thinking things ...

I used to really envy my husband being able to go to work and have a break from us. I have gained a fear of being trapped. I feel as though I've lost myself , I'm a more uptight, fatter , unhappier version of me ... But have 2 beautiful children who I adore ...

I really don't know what's going on, I am scared to say this to a therapist or anyone. Its just at a point now where I can't hide from it anymore... I force myself out the house for my children's sake, I never really want to. I don't look forward to things like I used to.

Sorry for the long post hope to hear from someone soon with advice