Hi all.
As a sufferer, I find it is difficult to bring up a conversation regarding "what do we need in place, to help you, should I ever get sick?"
I worry so much that should I begin spiralling into psychosis or and ED or disassosciate, or depression, our lives would go like this:
Partner angry at me crying or behaving rudely/unfairly/'changing'. Partner fail to stop and ask, uh-oh, does this need referring on further? Us splitting, everything a mess.
I got references to see a psychiatrist earlier in year, who was definitely no help either. He turned me away having half listened and we now think having assumed me or my partner drug users. He wrote up that partner managed a gym, when actually he manages a team in a customer service call centre.
So having done the 'right' thing for only the second time in my life, that being conceding I am somebody who ought to see someone professional ongoing, and actually ready to talk about some confusing things for the first time ever, I have been scared off. It's not my first awful experience in the system.
I really want to try. Where do I go? What do I do? I have had people here on these forums suggest PANDA might be more appropriate or helpful, when asking about coping strategies when parenting as someone with an MI. But I worry that would not be an appropriate answer either. I don't know.
Here's what I do know from past experiences, prior to this relationship:
That while I was unwell at the time, my psychosis hurt a great many people. And I make no excuses for my actions when unwell. I am responsible for my actions, regardless. So while in my more rational mind it hurts me too that I would resist help with strength (hitting, biting, kicking those that restrain or have come near when I am surging with the need to lash at anything like walls or my own head), this doesn't take away the perfectly appropriate hurt of others.
So I don't resent any who had to step away, and I would hope people would step away when out of their depth. If I was ever to get that ill again, I would hope maybe there was a way for my partner and kids to find a space physically away from me if need be, and to have help at hand when I come back to. But who helps him with that? What is everyone's experience here, as carers?
