Hi@PeppyPatti
I think I was a bit the same. When I started joining all of these support groups earlier this year, I just found myself trying to support others. I didn't really worry to much about myself. I just found it personally helpful to help others. As I slowly became more comfortable I started to be more honest about how much i'm was struggling. I still keep a lot of it to myself, but I do find I'm opening up more and more as I go, which is only helping even more. But it's not like a switch I can flick on. I need to go slowly and just keep sharing a bit here and a bit there. I don't know this is just me being stubborn, or still a bit to resistive to opening up with people, but i am improving. And after 52 years of never opening up to anyone... I see this as a massive improvement. A massive, but slow improvement.
So you were seeing the same psychotherapist as your stepfather? I only ask, because I remember my partner saying a few months back when I was having issues with the psychologist I was seeing at the time, that here was quite good and did I want her to ask if she would see me as well. I said yes, but the psychologist refused saying it was a conflict of interest to see the both of us.
It is such an amazing feeling to find a place where every one accepts you and supports you isn't it? To me, the first time felt like I'd had been shipwrecked alone on a deserted island and finally a ship came along and rescued me. It makes such a massive difference to feel understood, respected, and accepted after so long feeling the opposite. So good, I decided to volunteer my time to sail around on that boat looking for other shipwrecked souls.
You asked me how I found such cleverness much younger than you did. It just brought back a few recent memories where I've talked to younger people here and telling them that they've impressed me because they're reaching out for help on a forum like this when it took me sooo long to be brave enough to do the same.
I'm not sure i'm that much younger than you though. I know we're not supposed to ask women their ages, so I wont, but I assumed you were in your mid-late 50s. Maybe you said it at some point. If true, you're only a few years older than me.
To be completely honest the main reason I have started dealing with and trying to understand any of my mental health issues is because I got to the point of having no choice when I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. That definitely makes you look at things differently and can take a bit of fear away from other things in your life. I'd suggest there's easier ways to find that inspiration to try and deal with a lifetime of mental struggles, but it's the way that worked for me.
I think any of us who has dealt with so much mental pain and isolation in our lives, even if we never really found the strength to deal with it for years or decades, just inherently develop a sense on empathy, understanding, and kindness for other people. Assuming we don't let anger get the better of us. Yes, I didn't have years and years of psychotherapy, but I also didn't have to deal with anything like what you have had to endure. I really don't know how I would have coped with half of that happening to me.
Back to the nautical theme, i must have boats on the brain tonight... if the struggles in our lives a like a long voyage in a boat... some of us have wavy rides with a few storms and quite a few rough seas, but others have so many storms and typhoons and giant massive waves pounding their boat... it stands to reason their journey will be harder and take longer to reach their destination. Who is the better sailor... the fastest, or the captain who navigated the much rougher seas?
I don't even like boats! I have no idea why everything is boats tonight! 🤔⛵😁
