Hi there once more folks; as this is the music section i would like to share the power of music in my life. hope you don't mind.
Harry Chapin – Cats in the Cradle
There is a bit of background with this song for me. As I have previously mentioned in one of my posts; music has a powerful impact on me, I let it touch me in ways that lyrics and music can and it bypasses my intellect and goes straight to the heart. This song is one of them.
When I became unwell in the year 2000 my children were under 10. I can still see their faces as I was psychotic; it still haunts me to this day. I don’t know how to let that be part of my past without the emotional tie it has on me. I see their fear yet wondering what’s going on dad. I sometimes feel distant from them-that makes me sad. In one of my journals I have a sticker I made which reads ‘connect with the world.’ I believe now is the time to connect with the world. Healing comes from being open; having bravado only inhibits my growth. Disconnecting has deliberately brought me shelter from the norms of daily life, ‘social distancing’ has been my survival toolkit for a troubled mind. In saying that-I am the best I have ever been since the year 2000. I have only had two hospitalizations in 24 years.
To the song. I was introduced to alcohol and drugs in 2003; I saw no reprieve from my Malay and was offered some. I felt elated. That was the beginning of the end for me. As time marched on I was getting deeper and deeper into the culture, I was spending lots of money, and my family were suffering greatly. There were times traveling down the road to get my stuff I would be weeping thinking WHY!! My heart and soul were aching from the mounting guilt and shame which I carried with me like a constant dark cloud hanging over my being. Hart Chapin’s song would be ringing in my ear, ‘When you coming home dad (paraphrasing)?’ I would cry each time i heard the song with a heavy heart.
There is a light to this story though. I have been free from the scourge of Drugs & Alcohol for the best part of seven and a half years. As the years have moseyed on I am becoming close to my Son, more than I have ever been. He is my joy. He knows the struggles I have been through (we have been through) and yet, does not hold back his love and affection towards me. He is a good man.
We catch up regularly. The Cat’s in The Cradle is a song of building bridges for me. Set free from me. He is starting his own family now…
