Christmas sadness

@Beads @Krishna @wellwellwellnez @Historylover @Appleblossom

thank you for the conversation, absolutely relate this year ❤️

Sending love.

I am trying to be easier on myself but it is very hard this year.

Yes taking the pressure off is good advice. The very 1st Christmas was really simple so I have followed that principle. It is annoying when someone asks you, "are you all ready for Christmas". I usually say yes because pthere is nothing to organize. I bake 1 thing that used to be my favourite food.

Yes I got through the day. I listened to an online Christmas message today instead and the music was beautiful.

Then when the internet is really slow too, it doesn't help remembering the steps, hahaha!

@LookingHopeful @Beads

Approaching it with realism helped me cope with a few christmases alone. I am no longer people pleasing so much to fit into others' expectations.

Keeping it simple ... is true to the original christmas spirit. Yes!

Hello @Beads ,

I hear you about the difficulty in making that initial post. I will write a separate comment, regarding that and post it following this one.

Also I know and understand both the reality and feeling of being alone. I can say that I was fortunate this year in having a friend invite me to her family's gathering for lunch on Christmas Day. I really enjoyed their company.

I could certainly allow the message and sentiments of Christmas and New Year to become distressing. Many of the Christmas Days in my life have not been pleasant, because of impositions by family members, and I have been alone on many also. Some because I simply felt unable to connect with the sentiment and joyfulness of the gatherings and would only impose, by my presence, negative vibes, that I felt inappropriate to impose on others.

I do have some social activity, such as a small singing group in which I am active on one night a week and a morning at the local Residential Aged Care community, and a couple of other activities where there was Christmas sentiment expressed. However, there was no heavy imposition of sentiments to the degree that I felt pressed, or imposed upon.

If I was in a working environment - I am in the category of people referred to as retired - there may have been more pressure.

Possibly, if I felt that I needed to, I would have a clear cut response about the way that I was "spending" Christmas and New Year, even if it was to say,

"This year will be quiet for me, simple meal and some music afterwards."

I do believe that it is a matter of determining our response in accordance with what we can generally expect, preceding any occasion or celebration, be that Christmas, a wedding or other such event.

I have a brother and younger family members who live a few hundred km s from where I live. I think that only adds to distress if I think about it. At least this year I did receive a cheery and pleasant phone call from my brother, which is very different from previous years.

You mention sadness

“that Christmas will never be the same as it used to be.”

If you would not mind, can you tell me something of how Christmas used to be for you?

I Look forward to hearing from you

With My Best Wishes

@HenryX

Hello @Beads,

I recognise and share your concern as expressed in the statement:

"I was about to give up on all this because I've just spent an inordinate amount of time working out how to do a new post."

I am also concerned about the difficulty of engaging with others on the forum because of the complexity that potential members experience in something such as accessing and using the forum site.

I believe that some active members may have forgotten the difficulty that they initially had in accessing the forum site. Unfortunately, we will never hear from those who may have given up before they succeeded in doing so. My concern is that the effect on those unsuccessful potential members may add to their already existent feelings of diminished self-worth and self-esteem.

For people who have become familiar with the forum structure, or have become accustomed to using a particular area of the forum, in which they engage almost exclusively, it is not a problem.

But for new and potential members wishing to access the forum, it can be a daunting project, which I believe only adds to the frustration and anxiety that they are, or may be experiencing, and very likely, leads to a loss of potential members “right at the gate.”

I believe that this concern about accessing the site forum and functions is felt more particularly by new members, but also by some older members who often have difficulty guiding other members through the site.

I am very concerned about what I see as an issue. If you have any thoughts that you might wish to add, I would be pleased to discuss them with you.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

@Appleblossom @Beads keeping it simple sounds wonderful, it comes and goes in waves for me, usually by the minute unfortantely, some times I can have a really easy and pleasant time enjoying a christmas movie and then it goes the other way and I cannot turn my mind off and thing about what everyone else is up to.

@HenryX that sounds lovely to be apart of a small singing group, what a nice routine each week. I know when I was on the east coast a lot of community members would join each season to volunteer on turtle beaches, they loved the sense of community and it was so nice to see great friendships form.

In my community now there is far less going on which makes it hard to do socail things, not that I feel up to that atm.

Hello @LookingHopeful , @Beads , @Appleblossom , @Historylover ,

@wellwellwellnez

Thank You @LookingHopeful for your response to the previous messages.

I appreciated your comments with regard to the singing group. Also, your reflections on the volunteers on the turtle beaches and the sense of community and friendship.

You refer to having been on the east coast. While recognising the need for anonymity, can you tell us the region in which you now live? For example, I live in the Mid-West Region of W.A. I only became aware recently, when I was looking up some details to describe where I live, that this region occupies more than twice the area of Victoria, yet has a permanent population of only about 52,000 people, more than half of those living in Geraldton.

Victoria, on the other hand, has a population of about 6.7 m., of which about 4 m. live in Melbourne

I can understand the roller coaster feelings that can occur in response to different stimuli. This can be a film, a particular piece of music, a certain face that reminds us of another person or even an expression, any of which can elicit memories that can have positive or negative connotations. Sometimes, even pleasant memories can remind us of losses through life. I wonder if any of these thoughts match or are similar to the change of feelings that you described as you were watching the Christmas movie?

I'd be pleased to talk with you if any of these thoughts or ideas connect. There are many other people on the forum with whom you can also discuss your thoughts and ideas.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX

Thanks @HenryX (see if that works).

By Christmas not being how it used to be means, all the family together. Parents are gone and they were the bricks that held it all together. I'm single no children so I've not had the opportunity to make my own family traditions. I miss it.