Daily Check In Space

Dear @Sophia1

Hope you managed to chat.

I will check your thread, but wanted to leave something here.

The old "share the load ....

and the African proverb about a village needed to raise a child"

concepts are huge and important.

I am a tired parent, but also can get fired up for the GOOD FIGHT.

I believe an over focus on nuclear families has caused a lot of social problems with fragmentation and lack of social cohesion.... and the narrow me me me mindsets .... leading to social inequality.

Take Care all on this thread. @Shaz51 @Anastasia @Sophia1 @Bunniekins @Krishna

Mental illness is not caused by parents.

I have seen too many parents who do care on here.

Those who do not care about the consequences of their children's behaviours in damaging others dont even bother.

understand and yes respect you @Appleblossom

I can read your passion as I have in previous posts and this is what connects me with you..

You make some valid sometimes poignant comments that resonate so strongly..

my intent to move across to my familiar thread was not to disclude anyone at all.

That is not me..

It was more around my concern of upsetting others..

The other issue for me ongoing is that I isolate and retreat to that one thread..

This is a mirror of real life...

A way of me coping with family situations..

I do not want to deter ongoing conversation on this thread in fact want to encourage this place to become a meeting place for mums/dads/carers of people where help and or systems seem to not be enough..

It would be lovely to collate ideas here...

This is the Carers side where I would like to try again to feel comfortable..

I want to open this up to others who might feel the same..

Perhaps we who are carers who populate the lived experience side can use this space to share...include...add....ask...learn..

This is an area strong to my heart and one that I am following through with...

Shall we try something new here..

@Appleblossom @Krishna @Bunniekins @Anastasia @Shaz51

Sophia xxx

I’m here @Sophia1 and yes simply tired. Tired of trying to connect with my girl with rejection being the only response. 2 years of trying and I’m worn out emotionally. Tired of a system that doesn’t communicate between those caring for her and tired of getting phone calls like one I received on Wed from the Public Guardian asking me a million questions about her current situation, to which I have no answers. She’s still in hospital that’s all I know. When do you expect her to be released they asked? I not so politely suggested they ask her psychiatrist that question. I’m grateful for the rain we’ve had for days on end as it allows me to bunker down and regain my strength. Simply laying low whilst Covid spins out of control all around me and focusing on my own health and well-being. Day 7 with no smokes which is huge for me and determined to put myself front and centre this year. Garden is crazy with all this rain but it can wait.

Ohh hugs my @Krishna ❤🧡💚💜

Hello @Sophia1 🥰

Hello @Krishna

I have just read your response..

You tell a story of a very draining, tiring, exhausting journey of hope to help your daughter where unbelievably in this day and age communication between government department fails.

I am beside myself with my own experiences with my son yet these pale in significance to what you have endured.

You have known where your daughter is and the so called system has known of her situation.

It pleased me to read that you not so politely suggested that they ask her psychiatrist the questions to the answers that they seek..

Yes the rain brings so much doesn't it..

Sounds and smells of change in nature..

Laying low whilst the dreaded Covid or Omicron or whatever new greek alphabet virus is invading.

Well done on day 7 without cigarettes that is a huge achievement... Be proud..

My husband is supposed to be relinquishing the process also..

Chewing away (bless him ..horrible stuff) on nicabate or whatever it is called gum seems to make him cough..

I apparently am further stressing him with my anxiety around (the fact that he is still smoking when told to stop immediately as now has emphesema slips into the background)..

I honestly do understand how difficult it is harder than giving up heroine they say..

The fact that you are stopping if not reducing is a credit...

I feel your tiredness and exhaustion...as another mother with a child where the system does not work..

Yes put yourself front and centre...

let me know how..

I need to do the same..

I am so exhausted and drained from people not listening to me ..

I have been invited so many times to become an advocate...

I feel that I have been advocating for the majority of my life.... something...

Yes being an advocate is good ...people still have to listen though...

I will do something once I settle myself more...

adjust to the virus more..

venture out again which I miss so much..

So hard...

Krishna I believe in you and that you have every right to put yourself front and centre this year..

Perhaps we can do a tandem leap?

I am slowly working through my garden...still so young only a year old really...

A wonder...

What are your favourite plants?

Sophia1

Hello @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @Bunniekins @Anastasia @Krishna

How are you all managing to survive this virus? So very hard when still working..I know from my younger son and husband's family members...

How are your gardens faring?

Do you find comfort..calm...a form of self-help when gardening also?

I find my own ways of looking after myself..

Gardening...reading....writing thoughts on paper...colouring something....thinking of words...

I make it up as I go...that is therapeutic in itself...

We all work out our own way of surviving this disconnected world..

our own way of doing something for ourselves...

some sense of self..

💜

Lovely to hear from you @Sophia1 as always.

Oh @Krishna your tiredness makes sense. I deal with a lot of habitual rebuff, in close family relationships. It is very wearying. I can also understand why you may have been a bit short on the phone call. Glad to see you posting and still here.

On gardening. Yesterday I dug up a

Red hot poker - torch lily

divided it up and planted half dozen smaller bits in my guerilla garden, interspersed with wild lilies.

The ground is heavy clay, but not as hard as it can be when baked dry. My feet are a little sore so I know I worked yesterday.

They are very tough so i hope survive even though I tell myself not to do this in summer. We have another bout of rain and storms so I am hoping the wet weather will help.

I just had to do something physical last night. I have the big spade bought 2nd hand over 30 years ago by my ex. I took it in marriage settlement cos he liked making me do heavy yard work, now I decide when I do it.

I was also triggered cos my lovely black support wkr had a friendly caring phone call from Africa from her uncle on Monday. If only my uncles had been friendly and supportive. I now realise their avoidance was not so much about my siblings or I being difficult, but more to do with their relations with my father before he died. My uncle who told me "not to dig" was a head honcho in BHP, and did not want me to dig into the family history to discover some of the issues.

I began the guerilla gardens at beginning of covid. As the world was going into panic, I set off to make a garden at a local cross road with cleared land. It gave me purpose and kept me active. My latest additions are a gainst the fence of a power station which had been barren, but now has my plants. My lovely new female support wkr said the plants looked happy.

Today I am going to show my older spt wkr the growth. I had put an agave in, given away "free" last week. My rule for guerilla gardens is plants have to be free. My labour is also free, but that much is a free choice ... or is it driven and shaped by experiences of the past .... hhmmm.

I need extra support this time of year cos of the anniversaries, and finally I have someone to talk about life ... just anything. It was simply not available to me dues to family feuds when I was young.

Sophia I am very glad of our friendship. I usually feel rejected and judged by nice white people. I have tried again and again, and been rebuffed, so often I am beginning to feel I have to cross the colour barriers, cos the new migrants from Africa actually do know hardship and some are not hardened.

The plants I use are not delicate but very hardy. They have to be tough to survive here, and especially out on a busy intersection. Sometimes I get a cheery hello when I am working there. It is Australia and not an easy country, despite some new migrants mocking me about how easy we have it, presuming I have Job seeker and jok keeper packages etc etc ...

I did not have a garden growing up ... .. thinking I get a long with plants better than people.

Morning @Appleblossom, I love it when you say "my feet are a little sore so I know I worked yesterday". For me, that is a real gardener thing to say, to feel the work we've put in to the garden reflected in our bodies. Plants can certainly be more rewarding in some respects – though sometimes just as needy 😀

I'm sorry to hear you've had a few people mock your experience. It really is so subjective isn't it; what some find free and easy another can find isolating and incredibly difficult to navigate.

Thanks @Former-Member for acknowledging and mods for letting my post go live. It is often many small moments of lack of understanding that can add up to a big issue.

My parentage is mixed. One Aussie and one new migrant, so I kind of see one of roles in life is to increase understanding about these issues.

I for one am always grateful for a learning opportunity @Appleblossom, and I think it's important to have everyone's background and perspectives at the table, so thank you for communicating your experience.