My symptoms started 14 years ago, at 14 years, by 18 they thought it was attention seeking according to the meantal health team at hospital, by 23 I was self destroying, impulsive behavior, drug use unprotected sex ect only now at near 29 am I realizing it's always been bpd I also have a learning problem undiagnosed, i don't think my parents understood and or understand mental illness well so my outburst and the need to want to be included just makes me more angry, they push me away which is a big trigger as abandonment is something that always crosses our minds, my childhood traumas are to play, myself trying to understand the world accepts mental health now better then they did during the 90s and 2000s also fears me, as I'm still scared to feel it's not okay to be okay if that makes sense, understanding what triggers are is important cause we sometimes can't tell, sometimes a trigger can cause a server or dangerous situation due to the amount of emotions and thoughts running through, it's also hard to understand black and white thinking and understanding reality cause when triggered especially those thoughts can progress and we sometimes don't even know where doing it. I was wrongly diagnosed with bipolar with bpd but as the years gone on and covid it made it so hard to understand why we I couldn't go to therapy f2f, because of my fears of I think some what abandonment is to play and I don't like living digitally I feel disconnected so being untreated has left me extremely depressed as of late. Research is key always research, i myself only realized in the last 24 hours that generic counslers are basic in order to push through it we need cbt, dbt and just in general someone to point us in the right direction
