When did everything get so screwed up?

Seven years ago my mom died. I was 14 when it all happened and I guess I never got over it because I was really trying not to feel anything. I was doing okay being like that for couple of years and eventually I felt better. Or I thought. At the beginning of this year my best friend's dad died, all of a sudden. She kept comparing her self to me, how she now understands me how I feel and how hard it is. And I was always there for her when she needed to talk. But in the same time every single bad emotion came back. I feel like this year put me back in my dark place and I can't get out. I started self harm again, starving myself, feeling sad, I'm maybe falling my classes. I would be better if I could go back to being just without emotions but I don't want to be that person again. I'm thinking about getting some help but I'm still not sure. I feel like my world is falling apart.