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Am I doing the right thing.

InfiniteStressContributor09 Dec 2021, 7:48 am AEDT

Am I doing the right thing.

Hi Everyone,

Trying to find the right balance of what I should write and not be blocked by the community guidelines and being able to give enough background so there is some level of understanding of where I am at so hopefully this works.

I slept in my car last night after being kicked out of my house by my wife. When this has happened in the past I've stayed nearby and waited for her to want/need something of me so I can get back to her. I am pathetic. She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, is suicidal and blames me for all of it. I love her and want her to be OK and her whole life people have given up on her and used her, but she is in her core a good and caring person, especially with everone else. I don't want to give up on her, as I've suspected she does this (for about 15 months in 20/21 this happened weekly) to make me hate her so she has permission to follow through on her thoughts. I can't hate her. I can't give up on her. I understand it is her illness causing her to do this but it is hard. I can't blame her for her brain chemistry and her actions due to it. I wouldn't blame a person with a broken leg because they couldn't run.

I spent last night freezing in my car at 10 degrees beause I had to leave immediately due to not accomplishing a task with rules she had set but did not communicate, making it impossible for me to accomplish, and if I did not leave she would and she would end it all. I want to be there for her and our kids, but maybe I am the problem. Maybe if I do leave for good she will be happier and the kids better off. I don't know.

I'm still in my work clothes from yesteday so I could just have a wipe down and go to the office and hopefully not destroy a 3rd job because of this, but I can't shake that I should be nearby so she doesn't think I'm valuing my job over her or us.

I am pathetic. I know.

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In response to: Am I doing the right thing.

HenryXSenior Contributor09 Dec 2021, 11:28 pm AEDT

Re: Am I doing the right thing.

Hello @InfiniteStress and other visitors to this thread.

I did not want to overload you with information for the site on Thursday, 9 December, particularly if you are using a phone for the connection.

On a thread that I have called Henry's Landing Strip & Hangar I have posted some guides and tips to assist with communication on the forum pages. I hope that they will be of help for you and other members on the site.

You can click on the teal coloured link above to get to the thread. I do not use a phone but a laptop, so while the tips and guides might look a bit detailed, I am hoping that you will be able to connect and follow the directions reasonably easily.

I am concerned that you have a lot on your plate at the moment and hope that you will stay in contact here, and that you find connection with others on this site to be helpful and supportive.

With Best Wishes For Now

@HenryX

Edit: Minor edit for clarity 8.45 am {AWST} 10 Dec '21

In response to: Am I doing the right thing.

Unknown userMember10 Dec 2021, 11:06 am AEDT

Re: Am I doing the right thing.

@InfiniteStress you are most welcome, the SANE counselling team are wonderful

I hear your concern for your partner, and I sense the depth of care you have for her. I'm wondering whether you feel able to extend a little of that care for yourself? I hope so, and trust that you will seek the support you need to help you through all that you're going through at the moment.

Rhye 🌞

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