Burnt Out Wife, OCD and Anxiety Husband

Hi @HopefulWife and welcome to the SANE Forums 🙂

It takes so much courage to reach out for the first time, and I really value and appreciate the step you have taken to share your experience with us.

That burnt out feeling sounds like it is growing for you, and I am so sorry to hear how difficult it has been for both you and your husband. Living with anxiety can feel really debilitating- as a fellow anxiety survivor myself, I could picture from your post what it must be like for you and your husband at the moment. Is your husband seeking support for the anxiety and OCD at the moment?

You mentioned needing your own space and finding it hard going everywhere together. That's completely understandable Everyone needs their space to be able to focus on their wellbeing. How have you been looking after your wellbeing recently?

Holding hope with you and here to lend an ear

@Daisydreamer

Thanks for replying. No he is currently not speaking to anyone, he has done therapy years ago before meeting me as the OCD is something he's had since teenage years but the anxiety has only been with this current relapse.

Currently in terms on my own well being the only time I have to myself is when I go to work in the early hours of the morning while he is sleeping, other than that we are together all the time, even socially with his friends.

I feel I need time with what little friends I have left as most of my friends from school have either moved interstate or are just to busy raising children. Which is something I hope for in the future but I have to be patient on that due to current situation.

Hi there @HopefulWife,

Caring for someone who is experiencing a significant impairment (which it sounds like it might be) as a result of their mental health condition can be draining. When I was at my worst with OCD I was terrified and would look to others for support with rationalising intrusive thoughts. This can become a double edged sword though because it can slip into reassurance seeking, which is exhausting for loved ones and counterproductive for the sufferer. I'm wondering if that sounds similar to what you're experiencing with your husband?

You mention that he isn't accessing professional support at the moment – do you feel like he might be open to exploring that again? I suspect he may need more support than a loved one is able to provide, which is completely understandable.

Hi @Former-Member

I have spoken to him about getting professional help but he's not willing to at the moment as he believes that he knows how to recover and fix his OCD as he has been told it all before and he has recovered in the past on his own. I feel that he could benefit from the refresher as there is also now panic anxiety involved which he's says was never there in previous relapses but he's stubborn when he wants to be.

The answer about the reassurance, most of the time he's good at not asking for reassurance as he knows it's harmful to recovery but every now and then when he's in a really stressful situation, he will look to me for that reassurance. I know I shouldn't do it but at the time it's hard to not when he's just stressed out.

I want to help but I am the type of person that bounces off other peoples emotions and just react to them. Which I know is not helpful when he's stressed as I get stressed and just react in a way that's not helping anyone. Any suggestions on how to handle my emotions better would be great.

Hi @HopefulWife,

Here are a couple of ideas to ponder:

1. Getting out of your shared environment – carving you time into the day/week in whatever way works for you. That might be exercise, so letting him know that you'll be going for a walk or a run etc on your preferred schedule, or taking a long bath etc.
   
   
2. Self-care – get a weekly foot massage/manicure etc. on your own.
   
   
3. Seek out your own counsellor – this might help you unpack what it means to be a carer for your partner and all that it brings, but it also provides you with another opportunity for time to yourself and for you to be heard by somebody.
   
   
4. Have a frank discussion with your husband – a relationship is a two-way street. As much as his needs are pressing at the moment, you also have basic needs that need to be met as well i.e. maintaining contact with your friends etc. otherwise you risk burning out and that will be no help to yourself or to him.
   
   
5. Suggest he reaches out to a forum, just as you have – living with OCD and anxiety can be isolating and when its at it's worst, a constant battle. Perhaps if he has an outlet he can turn to when you're taking time away he may feel less anxious and begin to learn tools for coping with his emotions independently of you.

I hope that some of the above helps, and please know you can always reach out here in the forums for support in supporting your husband.

I'm going to tag a few community members and guides as another group of friendly faces who may be able to empathise with parts of your story @Shaz51 @outlander @Eve7 @Bunniekins @Anastasia @ShiningStar @Krishna

Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I will definitely consider them as I know if I burn out then I can't help anyone

@Former-Member 🙏

@HopefulWife thinking of you sweetheart 💞

Those are awesome tips @Former-Member

Hello @HopefulWife How are you going tonight xx

My husband has bipolar and other diagnosis including OCD

I have been soo close to my own breakdown, when I would go to the bathroom and cry to release everything

Some good threads to look at is Carers Hints and tips to Success

Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )

@NatureLover

Hi @Shaz51

Today has been a good day for us.

I know that feeling of hiding away to cry. I have had those days when it has just been a hard day and I just tell him that I'm tired and going to have a nap but in reality I am going to hide and cry. I know it's probably wrong to lie but I don't want him to see how much it hurts sometimes. I feel like it will only make him feel worse.

Thanks for the links to other information

@HopefulWife , it is not wrong to lie my friend xx

My time out was to have a nice soak in our bathtub of Epsom salts which did help before our house fire

I always felt I had to be strong but we need to look after ourselves too

And I am still learning

What hobbies do you like doing, something that is just for you xx

Mine is word games on the computer xxx