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An introduction

CalistaCasual Contributor24 Sept 2016, 2:57 pm AEST

An introduction

I am unsure if I count as being worthy of this group but I thought I will try. I have anxiety and while I seem to be ok with it there are times when it is a struggle. I work in an environment where I get to help others but I also can't show any form of weakness or I won't be deemed suitable for my work - which I love.

My friends think I am strong, capable and independent but they don't see what goes on in my brain. I constantly feel I am a failure and there are times when my brain goes into overdrive worrying about the smallest thing.

I grew up with a father who was an alcoholic and a mother who was mentally ill and a drug addict it was left to me to look after my siblings and I. Needless to say I have no family to lean on. I think the most tiring thing is constantly being told I have to "not overthink it" or "just relax". I wish it was that simple!

Anyway I have rambled on probably too much for my first post - apologies and I hope this doesn't scare people off. I am so grateful to find a place where I can talk to others who may understand and I don't feel so alone in this world:) (and typing on a phone so please excuse the poor formatting )
Take care 🙂

5 replies

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In response to: An introduction

Unknown userMember24 Sept 2016, 3:05 pm AEST

Re: An introduction

Hi @Calista

you definitely havent rambled and welcome to the forums.

I can identify with so much of what you wrote. my mother had mi and used drugs. my father drank a lot but was high functioning in most respects but not nice. i also have no contact with my family, and was the eldest and caretaker of my siblings.

I work and everyone at works says im doing great/great at my job etc but never feel like it (i'm a perfectionist a bit) and always feel like im on the brink of some edge.

Have worked hard on my anxiety and depression/ptsd with a psychologist for what feels like forever but am slowly making p rogress or maybe jsut keeping on going lol.

The forums are a great place to support and be supported amongst people who can relate and share expeirences/strategies/advice.

Hope to see you around the forums some more 🙂

In response to: An introduction

lolaSenior Contributor24 Sept 2016, 4:04 pm AEST

Re: An introduction

Hi Calista,

Lola here, one of the moderators.

Welcome to the forum! You have not rambled at all.

Well done for making your first post, you will find a lot of support and encourgement here on the forum.

Hope to 'see' you around

Lola

In response to: An introduction

SaharaSenior Contributor24 Sept 2016, 4:29 pm AEST

Re: An introduction

Hi @Calista,

I also have anxiety. When it really hits me, it's horrible. I cope by naming it for what it is - it's only anxiety; nothing more and nothing less. It can't actually hurt me in any way, even though it feels really, really awful. I take deep breaths and repeat a little catch phrase to myself. "Let go, release, renew" - something like that.

It's just so difficult for people who don't have anxiety to understand what it feels like. They think it's just the normal kind of 'worried' feeling that everyone gets from time to time. Wrong! It's much, much worse than that.

Do you see a psychologist and what kind of things have you tried to help your anxiety? There are treatments out there that do help.

Once I tried to explain what anxiety feels like to my sister by saying "It's like when you are climbing up a ladder and you are getting towards the top rungs and then your foot suddenly slips.... your stomach plummets at a thousand miles an hour down through your boots and your heart races and you feel that sickening rush of adrenaline pulsing throughout your body... your stomach churns over and you sweat and feel light-headed and terrified.... then it just keeps happening, like, around 20 times a day without any obvious cause."

My sister said "OMG... I had no idea it was that bad!! But.... it must be terrible!! Oh, dear."

So being told to relax and not over-think things is hardly going to help, although people do mean well, I suppose. It's just that they really don't know what it's like.

@Calista, you have not rambled on at all! In fact, you have been very concise and eloquent.

In response to: Re: An introduction

CalistaCasual Contributor27 Sept 2016, 9:54 am AEST

Re: An introduction

Thanks to all for your kind words and warm welcome. I was a little (ok a lot) scared of making my first post, and you have all made me feel better about it. I am glad we have somewhere like this - i think half of the "battle" is trying to make people understand what is happening.

Personally i find that a little exhausting at times, on the outside i (apparently) look confident, strong and capable. On the inside it feels like I am screaming but noone is hearing me and i constantly have that little voice in my brain telling me i am all alone, ugly,no talent and generally a burden to everyone. I find being around people draining and like my own company - and once again i have to make people understand that doesn't mean i am being a snob - i just don't find the same enjoyment in being around crowds.

Thanks again for your warm welcome and I look forward to delving into the discussions on this board. 🙂

In response to: An introduction

CassieSMCasual Contributor27 Sept 2016, 8:16 pm AEST

Re: An introduction

Of course you are worthy!
Starting your post with that statement, in my opinion highlights your anxiety. You're anxious about not being anxious enough to be in an anxiety group! (yes I know it's not only for anxiety)
When people tell you not to overthink things, and similar statements, it can be very invalidating of your struggle. I hope you find some helpful ways to reduce and manage your anxiety!

Cass

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