Is it possible...?

Right now, I'm probably in the lowest place I've ever been. I was evicted from my house - the owner wanted to move in - and I'm right in the middle of moving everything into storage and going to live with my mother for a little while....just until I can find a new place.

I commented on a facebook post the other day. It was something about how emotions can hit out of nowhere, and my comment finished with "I miss you every single day." A friend of mine saw it and told me it was past time to get over it. That made me angry, for a couple of reasons. He's still friends with my ex, and potentially she could have seen my comment (I *hate* social media sometimes!), and just the fact he said what he did. Mate, you have absolutely *no* idea what I'm experiencing, and you cannot possibly understand my feelings and emotions. I don't even understand them myself! All I know is it isn't getting any easier as time passes, somehow I just hide it better. It still gnaws away, every single day, and it's doing my head in. I have good days and bad days. Today is a bad one...in fact, the whole week has been a bad week. While I'm not suicidal, sometimes I just wish I wouldn't wake up. It's especially bad whenever I have a day off work...my mind wanders into areas it really shouldn't.

I tried moving on. Earlier this year, I found myself in a relationship. After 5 months, I ended it, in part because my ex called me one night, wanting a lift home from the pub that's across the road, and in part because I was feeling......nothing. The *only* reason I didn't give my ex a lift was because I had my new girlfriend over. Instead, I said to my ex "You don't want to know me, or see me, or talk to me, yet you have the nerve to call me after midnight asking for a lift!", and I only said that because I felt I needed to put on a show. She texted me after she'd gotten home, trying to pick a fight. She's contacted me twice since. I don't contact her....I give her her space, I leave her alone, but she comes back into my life for five minutes then disappears again. I can't block her number, I can't block her on social media - my heart or my head won't let me.

Hi @CapnWannabe,

I'm sorry to read what you are going through right now - it sounds really difficult and overwhelming. I really hope you are okay.

I agree with you - I really can't stand it when someone tells me its time to get over something. Healing is a process that takes time and looks different for all of us - there is no timeframe around `getting over something'. I also agree with you around social media - it can be really useful and it can also be something that cause more trouble than it's worth at times.

If you find your thoughts are more intense on the days you have off work is there other things you can do when you have some downtime that helps distract you? See a friend, play guitar, a computer game etc ... something that helps keep your mind engaged so it has less time to wander.

Often ending a serious relationship feels they same way it feels when we are grieving the loss of a loved one. Grief isn't always about someone that has passed, it can be around losing a job, losing a pet, losing a relationship.

I know you said you weren't suicidal and we really appreciate you letting us know this but if you ever do need immediate help (or anyone else reading this) please contact:

- LifeLine on 13 11 14

- BeyondBlue on 1300 224 636

- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

- 000 in the case of an emergency.

I really wish you all the best. The forums are 24/7 so feel free to post anytime.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

The other day I started to write a letter. Of course, it will never be sent, but it helped a little bit to just get something out..

"There is so much I want to say to you. Forgive me if I ramble; I don’t know where to begin.

You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Bar none. I think about you every single day, looking back with wistful regret, wishing so much that things had turned out differently for us. I think about how lucky I was to have had a relationship with you, about how happy you made me feel every day. How it started, the things we did throughout, and, ultimately, how it ended.

Every time you make contact (edited..) it breaks my heart again. I feel so good that you occasionally think about me, yet feel so despondent that not only have I lost the love of my life, I’ve lost the friendship that made us what we were. There is a gaping hole in my life that I will always hope once again you will fill. Nobody can ever replace you."

Thank you for trusting the SANE forums community in sharing your innermost thoughts @CapnWannabe .

I'm sorry to read of what has happened.

I'm here for a chat if you'd like.