Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

alyou3Contributor22 Sept 2016, 9:40 pm AEST

Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

I'm new to these forums and right now I just feel like I'm going crazy. I've battled PTSD since I was 7 years olds, I'm 24 now. The anxiety & depression is just crippling me lately. I'm in my final semester of university, literally got a month to go and I'm so behind yet so terrified of failing. I don't want to disappoint anyone, especially not my parents cos I know they don't really understand what goes on in my head, I should just get on with it. I'm having daily panic attacks about failing, about stuffing it all up, not being able to catch up in time and do well enough in my exams to pass. And then I have this overwhelming darkness sucking me in at the same time, I just want to shut down and sleep and feel nothing. And then the cycle goes on. I just want to finish uni, it's taken me 6 years, I just want to get thru it and I don't know if I will 😞 has anybody else felt like this? In the rational part of my brain I know it makes no sense to feel both those conflicting emotions at once but It's the way I feel

20 replies

11 - 20 of 20

1 2

In response to: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

alyou3Contributor24 Sept 2016, 11:58 pm AEST

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

I feel like a failure by asking for help. Which, in the rational part of brain, I know is stupid. But anxious, overwhelmed, depressed me feels like it makes me a failure. That I've been so proudly counting down the days and weeks till I finish, even starting to organise things for graduation, only to now be in a position where this is very likely going to take me another 3-4 months all because I can't get my sh*t together to do what everyone else seems perfectly capable of doing 😞

In response to: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

utopiaSenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 12:19 am AEST

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

@alyou3. That's not your rational self talking. That's the deprdepression talking. When we are depressed - our negative self talk increases and then we find it hard to use our rational/logical side that say bull s***. But I've learnt how to do this. Look at what my negative self talk is saying & ask - is that reasonable - if it was a friend - would I say that.
Imagine that it is your girlfriend who has lived your life - your experiences. And is struggling with depression and self worth. You wouldn't tell her to just get over it or push through it. No - you would seek help for her.
Asking for help is a strong thing to do. Everyone needs help in something.
Imagine if you had diabetes or cancer - would you be pushing to finish Uni on time - or would you extend your course - so that you can focus on your health and getting better.
Depression is no different to any other illness. It can be treated. There is recovery for those who seek it.
You deserve to be happy. You deserve recovery. And when the time is right - you will finish your course and have a successful career. Why? Because you reached out and got help fir your health. Yiu are stronger than yourself tells you.

In response to: Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

alyou3Contributor25 Sept 2016, 1:34 am AEST

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

I've just done to myself what I hate seeing other people do, treating mental illness like it's not a real and serious illness... wow

In response to: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

utopiaSenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 5:53 am AEST

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

@alyou3. Don't be hard on yourself. It can be a shock when you realise that you have depression and need help.
Everyone reacts differently. Hopefully now you will contact your gp and ask for help.

In response to: Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

Ffm48Senior Contributor28 Sept 2016, 1:05 am AEST

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

How are you feeling today @alyou3?

In response to: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

Little_MeNew Contributor29 Sept 2016, 1:13 am AEST

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

Thank you so much for posting this discussion @alyou3, I found it really helpful for my situation as well. I can empathise completely with you! Don't worry too much about your uni course, it has taken me 13 years to get my undergrad done!!! I'm on my final subjects now and the end is in sight, yet here I am sabotaging it by procrastinating. This thread has made me realise that I've slipped back into depression again, which is why I am having so much trouble concentrating. Now I realise what it is, I know it's only temporary. So I will go easy on myself and ride it out. P's get the degree, right?

Thank you again, I hope you get some clarity from this discussion like I did!

In response to: Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

alyou3Contributor03 Oct 2016, 9:47 pm AEDT

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

It's been a long tough dark week. The anxiety had my resting heart rate at 130-150 beats a minute. All I want to do is hide in bed and sleep. It's taken me a week to get out of bed for more than a couple of hours. Uni has been kind of understanding & supportive but also really unhelpful at the same time. They expect to just get my shit together and snap out of it overnight, that I'm just throwing myself a pity party and I'm staying in it on purpose. It's really exhausting to try and get people to understand that this isn't a damn choice, who would ever choose this!? Why would anyone want to feel so completely hopeless, helpless, empty and absolutely terrified of everything all the time?!? This is hard enough without having to constantly justify myself for feeling this way

In response to: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

KurraSenior Contributor03 Oct 2016, 10:09 pm AEDT

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

@alyou3

If you can get a letter from your GP confirming that you have depression I'm sure the uni will be more understanding.

Can you make an appointment with your GP this week? I'm sure you will find it helpful. I got a letter and it helped a lot. The uni gave me extra time to complete my work and they also gave me extra time to complete my exams.
I hope this helps you.

In response to: Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

alyou3Contributor03 Oct 2016, 10:56 pm AEDT

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

I have been in close contact with my GP and he has sent the Uni 2 letters now and I'm still having to justify everything. So frustrating.

In response to: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

utopiaSenior Contributor05 Oct 2016, 3:56 am AEDT

Re: Terrified of failure but unmotivated to do something about it

@alyou3. It can be exhausting having to keep fighting to get a fair go.
If it's getting too hard for you - find an advocate to speak to Uni on your behalf. Your girlfriend sounds like she could be a great supportive advocate for you.
Keep fighting. You will get what you need soon and then your healing can start

11 - 20 of 20

1 2