fmmNew Contributor
Need to share
Hello,
My partner and I have been together for just over 2 years now.
We are about to be married, we are building a house, and I am 17 weeks pregnant.
He has always struggled with depression however I feel it has gotten a lot worse since I fell pregnant - I think this is because of the extra stress.
It has always been hard to deal with - his depression presents in episodes where he will sleep for several days, as well as angry outburts. Generally directed at me. But now more than ever I am struggling to cope. I am myself very emotional due to the pregnancy and I feel as though I have to repress everything I feel because if I cry or show how upset I am, it just causes him to sink deeper into himself and push me away and last out at me.
I am so anxious about our situation as well - when he has these episodes he inevitabely loses his job. He has just lost his second job in the last 4 weeks. He doesn't like to talk about it either, just tells me 'it's all good' or 'don't worry'. But we are currently paying rent and a mortgage and I have 5 months max left at work before I go on maternity leave. What will we do then if he doesn't have regular work?
I seem to also be developing massive separation anxiety. I get anxious going to work when he is at home and I verge on panic attacks when I can't reach him on the phone (which is often).
I cry every day and it's hard to pull myself together in the mornings to get to work.
I also have a 6 year old daughter from my previous marriage and I worry about the effect it has on her. I try to shield her from it as much as I can but she's not blind or dear, she knows more than I want her to.
I had high hopes of a new counsellor he started seeing but he only went 3 times and has missed the last 2 appointments. He has been to the GP but doesn't want to take medication. He says he has tried it before and it didn't work for him.
I try so hard to be supportive and just be there for him but sometimes I just want to scream at him to get over it, get a job and keep it and just a general 'what about me!' I need emotional support too!
It doesn't help that I don't really have anyone to talk to - I have a friend at work but I don't like to burden the workplace with it too much, and I have some old friends but most of them don't live in the same city anymore. When I left my ex I had to leave behind my whole circle of friends too and I feel like I have noone now.
It's getting harder to see the positives in life when I worry so much constantly about money and how we are going to survive.
