Incompetent

@Got_hope

Hi there Got Hope

My name is Rick.

Firstly welcome. Feel safe cos it is safe here.

As to your last statement re friends and deserving them.

Well the obvious question to ask is

"Do you think that someone who is isolated, unwell and working very hard to kep it together deserves more pain?"

Of course the answer is no.

That doesn't mean we don't get treated poorly. we do. We are difficult. That is a simple truth. Those people who actually have a soul understand this. Our worthiness is totally unconnected to our mental distress.

If i might make a suggestion.

This being a safe place try establishing friendly relationships with those on board. Simply by reading a post and "Likng" it is a boost for those who posted. By engaging in conversation you go further steps forward.

This might be a good time and place to challenge that self image which seems to weigh you down.

I encourage you to contribute or just read others daily grind. Just keep coming back. Keep challenging that idea of no worth.

We willl support you as we support each other.

Nice to have met you

Hope tomorrow is a better one and be sure that your strength will carry you thru the day no matter how close to the bone it gets

Rick.

Hi @Got_hope and @Learninggrowing

I liked @Rick's post a lot.

I also have a lot of feelings of worthlessness and find it hard to make friends.

I think most people become difficult complicated people if they have lived for a while.

I used to submit entirely to others whims and expectations but they were not really satisfactory relationships. As I denied more and more of myself and eventually the 'friendships' petered out. That was when I was a kid & teen. I also spend a bit of time alone. The best option seems to find a balance between the two ... so we dont get completely isolated.

Sometimes I would be shocked at the things very socially confident people would say ... it might be very boring or opinionated ... and the others around would nod and make approving comments ... I started backing off from such situations and longing for authenticity. I guess I had enough self respect not to want false relationships. The fear of conflict which dominated my early style of interaction has reduced. Now I figure I have the right to just express myself too. I havent made heaps .. of friends that way ... but have a bit of a life and a lot of acquaintances ... which helps me manage my sense of loneliness. I also have lower expectations of how others might relate and am less driven by my idealism ... a bit more down to earth.

Most people have capabilities ... many that they are not even aware of .. yet social oneupmanship is common... dont let that suck away your self confidence.

Hope you find a way that works for you.

Hi Got_hope and Learninggrowing,I am a moderator at Sane and am wanting to also welcome you to the forums. I am sorry to hear of your struggles however It is nice to read the other posts of support. Please know that this is a safe and supportive forum and I hope you utilise it when you need.

Take care

Jazz

@Got_hope

Hi Got Hope

Toxic people in our lives are in some ways are a symptom of our self esteem effected mental distress.

I have in the past learned to remove these people from from life. It was not important whether they understood or not. In the end my health was the priority.

I have far fewer "friends" at 46 than I did at 26. But the quality of my friends is gold. Those who remain and those few I have added over time are people who do not cause me to doubt my worth. bUt instead build me up when I start tearing myself down.

I still have serious self esteem issues but they are mine and not a transferrance from some one else. My friends challenge my self perception beause they see far more worth inme than I do and thus do their best to push me in the positive direction.

I have 5 reliable, loyal, stoic friends. I have several well liked acquaintances. That's it.

I guess what I'm saying is you can choose who is in your life. It's ok to choose. In fact it's almost a responsibility to do so.

I will keep you in my prayers

Take care

Rick

I almost teared up reading this because it was literally like reading something I had written about myself. I relate to your situation in so many different ways. I find myself in a house full of people with a phone full of friends feeling so alone at times. I often feel like nobody cares. At the same time though, I think it has a lot to do with whether or not we reach out to people. If people knew that we felt the way we do and that nobody cared about us, I sure as hell think they would do something about it. I really do.

I find it hard a lot of the time to find someone to confide in. 800 facebook friends, 220 phone contacts, a handful of close friends and even then, I still don't feel as though I have anyone to turn to. Even though a lot of people confide in me about their own things.

You are so worthy of friendship. So worthy. You do have a lot to offer and I know this because you wouldn't have said it otherwise. Please try not to take on board what you think people think about you, because I bet you anything, they don't think those things of you at all. I'm glad that you are reaching out here in a forum because I must stress that you are worthy and deserving of a good friendship where you can confide in someone else, you just haven't found your person yet - neither have I but trust me, they'll come along at some point. In the meantime, feel free to use these forums as much as you feel you need to confide in someone because the truth is, you are not alone and there are so many of us in the same boat and we're all here to support one another.

I understand what you have just said Rick.t I have just ended a five year relationship with a man who I love very much but have found him to be "toxic" and have made the difficult decision to let go. Very mixed feelings and emotions now. Scared to be alone because of what goes through my head and feel like I am going to be alone forever. So I agree with letting toxic people out of your life. Very hard step to make though.