Hello @-Mumma-
Oh my, I can hear your suffering and worry for your boy.
I have a 17.5 yo son who was diagnosed in August 2020 with Schizophrenia and OCD. He has a range of symptoms he lives with, some part of the Schizophrenia (believing he is being watched, monitored, controlled, is in a science experiment, and his father and I are imposters - this symptom not all the time thankfully because it really scares me), and the OCD has some awful symptoms that really distress him (constant violent movies playing in his head of stabbings, him stabbing others, being stabbed by others, and a voice loop "and then he said, and then she said" that plays NON STOP). He had a diagnosis of severe anxiety and panic disorder with some psychosis (auditory and visual) when he was 8yo. We were on suicide watch at the time and he had outbursts of violence. With treatment on anti anxiety meds, melatonin to get his sleep cycle improved, and about 3 years of psychology counselling he learned to manage his anxiety instead of it managing him, and he had strategies to help him get to school/stay motivated/push through anxiety and panic.
As he hit high school he had 3 major events in the first 3 years - 1st year he missed about 3 months of school owing to glandular fever, year 8 he had eye surgery to correct both his eyes mid year and missed about 2 months of school, year 9 in May his father had a brain hemmorhage and nearly died and spent over 3 weeks in Sydney in Neuro ICU (we live in regional NSW). Our whole family has been through the mill and there have been times I was very focussed on his dad as he recovered from his acute illness. But I started to notice my warm, funny, affectionate boy becoming more distant. I didn't know if it was just him growing up, becoming more independent. It got to the stage he would be out of the house all the time, staying at friend's houses on weekends, then my friend figured out he was using marijuana when I was in Sydney looking after my husband and my son had returned home. I tried to get help for him with a GP who treated me like a meddlesome mother who was being over the top about my son using a bit of pot. I knew something wasn't right.
Then during the first lockdown last year, the wheels really fell off for our boy, he couldn't go out and source pot, and he had to be at home. We started to notice him dissociating, being very vague and agitated. He agreed something was wrong, but was very withdrawn and hard to get through to. Getting a diagnosis took about 4 months during that time, we were so worried for him and on suicide watch again. He had already diagnosed himself with Schizophrenia and he was correct, the OCD I hadn't identified and he hadn't either. The marijuana gave him relief from his OCD symptoms in particular. Getting the right meds has been a process, he's had 2 CAMHS social workers and 3 psychiatrists.
So I can really relate to your experience with your boy, and I really feel so much for you with all that your boy, you and your daughters have been through. I am very aware that we are really fortunate to live in a small enough community where I have been able to navigate supports. I work in disability services/human services, and have a lot of contacts. One of my close friends is a social worker, and her husband is a GP with specialty training in mental illness. Even so, even with those contacts, getting help from CAMHS has been a process and not easy. I am also fortunate that while I am not a clinician, I work with a mental health service and my colleagues who are clinicians listened and understood, and also gave advice on what I should ask for. Nothing prepares us for our child to develop such a serious mental illness, does it? And how can we be expected to 1. know that our child has a mental illness when it might look a lot like a teen is being rebellious or asserting their independence , 2. know what questions to ask, how to talk about it, who the right people to support are.
I am so amazed at your strength @-Mumma- you have had no choice in what has happened, but you have forged on, done everything you can for your boy, while also looking after your girls. You must be so exhausted? The fact your boy felt safe to come to you at 15 and ask you about the voices in his head shows me that he knew you would help/support him and that you have a close relationship. You have tried every avenue, chased down every resource, and as a person who has worked as a case manager, you have done an excellent job and been so darned persistent. But it hasn't got the results you wanted for your boy, and there's no guarantee about what happens next. It is deeply painful to fear the future, or to wonder if the future for our children with shizophrenia will be joyful, hopeful, if they will thrive.
I really hope there will be an improvement for your son, he must be really suffering and I can understand why it is breaking your heart to see him locked up and in such a state of crisis so often. I don't have any answers for you, but can I offer a slither of hope? My son lost his job as an apprentice in August, after he was hospitalised in a sub acute ward and then the lockdown happened, and he wasn't allowed on the construction site owing to staffing limits/plus he's refused to get vaccinated. He really spiralled down fast, drinking alcohol at every opportunity, he picked up a little bit of labouring work, but would spend every cent on alcohol and cigarettes. He started to self harm a little, nothing dangerous, then ended up accidentally in hosptial from taking prescription drugs that a 'friend' gave to him to get high. It was very stressful. In addition, his relationship with his girlfriend of 11 months hit a rough patch and he didn't cope at all. In all of that time, I sat him down and got him working on a plan to get a job because when he's busy with his hands and occupied then he's less in his head/it distracts him. I work now in career advising, so he knows I know my stuff. He applied for a traineeship job at Council, and I coached him through the application, he got an interview, and got a job offer. He started yesterday working full time. I recognise that what my son has been through has not been as intensely challenging as your son, and that the more your son has come into contact with the justice system it adds extra layers of vulnerability. I realise your son's journey is different, but I hope that knowing that it is possible to recover from the constant crisis, that it is possible to have hope for your son, that knowing that will give you strength, and also allow you to give your son some hope for his future. It will not always be like this, change is possible, recovery is possible. It might take a long time, it may be an up and down process, sometimes it is not clinical people who our child needs, he might need a peer mentor, or a support person to teach him some practical skills? While he's at risk of self harming and at risk of violent outbursts I can understand that it limits the supports that he can recieve, and really restricts his liberty. But it's one of those things where unless he has hope that things can be different/get better/ it sort of becomes a cycle that is hard to break.
I hope you found this helpful, I do ramble a lot. Tinker x
