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Can't Seem to Win

wild_roseSenior Contributor02 Nov 2021, 2:17 pm AEDT

Can't Seem to Win

No matter what I do I just can't seem to get it right, I can't seem to win.

I always seem to get it wrong. I want to scream, why can't this world just give me a damn break. I try so hard and nothing seems to be good enough.

My partner says I need to trust him more, and I try but he doesn't seem to trust me, he says it will take time, but doesn't seem o understand it's going to take me time too.

He said I didn't give him enough affection, now it's too much and I an't seem to get him to initiate any affection towards me because apparently I'm smothering him, I'm simply trying to reconnect, but the more I try the further I psuh him away.

I'm so utterly and deperately confused that I don't know what to do anymore, anything I try fails and I just want to give up fighting because I don't know how long I can keeo trying to get hings right only to fail.

I've delibearely tried to be calmer, less emotional but even that doesn't sem to work. Why can't I just go back to being numb when I diddn't give a shit about anything. At least it was easier.

4 replies

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In response to: Can't Seem to Win

DaisydreamerSenior Contributor02 Nov 2021, 2:40 pm AEDT

Re: Can't Seem to Win

Hi @wild_rose,

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through with your partner. I'm hearing that you are doing everything you can to reconnect and build trust together. As you mentioned, it does take time

It can be so challenging and confusing when our loved ones don't send consistent messaging around their boundaries and needs, or at times when those boundaries seem to move often. Relationships can be tricky.

It sounds like you really value connection in a relationship, does that sound right?

Have there been other people in your life that you have spoken to about what has been going on with your partner, or who you confide in when these moments come up in your relationship? A friend, family member or someone in your broader support network?

In response to: Re: Can't Seem to Win

wild_roseSenior Contributor02 Nov 2021, 6:45 pm AEDT

Re: Can't Seem to Win

Hi @Daisydreamer

Connection is definitely imprtant to me.

I have one or two friends that I can talk to, but don't want to dump my shit on them, my partner tell me I dump too much emotionally on people, hence reaching out here. Plus there is anonymity which helps.

I also have a Psychologist I talk to and am also linked in currently with he Psych triage in our are

In response to: Re: Can't Seem to Win

BlueBellsSenior Contributor03 Nov 2021, 12:14 pm AEDT

Re: Can't Seem to Win

Hi @wild_rose @Daisydreamer

Not sure if I should post this, as I don't know what can be said here.
Pretty much sounds like me for decades. I lost count of how many counselors I went to until one told me I was trying to fix something I didn't break.

My ex is a bit narcisstic, I think, controlling etc, but not physical, all mental. The 'talk' of support, but it wasn't actually there, everything was sort of back-handed, there was always a 'but', and I struggled to "fix" everything.

Just a thought, maybe consider the possibility. It took me a few years to accept I was being mentally and emotionally abused, and I am still trying to come to terms with it.

It was very hard, still is, for me to understand it all isn't 100% my fault, as that is what I was, well, manipulated to believe.

Anyway, just thought I throw it in. Admins will chuck it if not acceptable.

Hugs, hang in there, and remember, even giving yourself a good hug is very helpful. You DO deserve it, don't tell yourself you don't.

In response to: Re: Can't Seem to Win

TaySenior Contributor03 Nov 2021, 5:21 pm AEDT

Re: Can't Seem to Win

It's a very difficult situation to talk about - as long as you're safe

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