It’s been a while

It's been a while since iv been on but I can slowly see and feel improvement in myself and the pain is getting less every day. I received a very nasty message yesterday from ex but I noticed I didn't start crying and shaking uncontrollably I managed to read it with a racing heart and sick sinking feeling and finally seen what it was meant to do to me well it didn't. I didn't respond no need to encourage him to send more toxic messages or for me to try and calm him down because his being irrational. I am not responsible for his actions or reactions I'm only responsible for my own. Please don't tell me to block his number because at this time for reasons I truly don't understand I can not do it,it might not be much of an achievement to others but I usually would respond with kindest and try and diffuse his rage,try to make it all ok for him,just to have peace from him. Now I try and put that energy and kindness into myself instead. I can now see everyday that passes I am detaching my emotions and thoughts away from him, and fighting the battle of getting myself esteem and self respect back focusing on healing and managing my clinical depression and anxiety and realising what he has done and said to me was and is cruelty not love and support,that it should have been in a healthy relationship.Thank you for letting me vent please don't judge me 🌸🌺