Not sure what to do or say about childhood sexual abuse

Oh @pinklollipop15 i am so sorry this has happened to you as a child. I was sexually abused as a child 9-12 yrs by my uncle, neighbour and brother - all different times throughout those years. (My parents don't know about my brother, i just couldn't tell them)

My memories came back to me when i was 44. I was seeing a psycholgoist for work stress and out it came!! It was a horrible shock. I told my husband after a few weeks. He has been supportive. Then i wanted to tell my parents, so after a few phones calls of trying to organise a time to go over, my mum decided to call one day and I told her over the phone. At first she was 'ok lets go to court' but the day after she 'turned' on me. She wanted me to go to their home to talk about it. When i got there my dad wasn't there, i asked where he was and she told me 'he doesn't want to see you or hear what you have to say' . I was so upset. i sat down and she was so angry at me, she yelled at me and said 'how dare you wait over 30 years to tell me' and 'why did you tell your sister before me'. After about 30 mins of her yelling abuse at me and my husband, i picked up my bag and walked out in hysterics, crying, sobbing so much. She turned to me and said 'well you enjoy your life and me and dad will have our life'. That was it - for 4 years she and dad didn't talk to me. it was the most difficult, gut wrenching 4 years of my life. i sent my dad a birthday present and she posted it back.

I would say, whatever your gut is saying to do. No one can say which way to go - talk to her or not. I did write down a letter to my mum and posted it - she sent it back.

We are reunited now - but there has never been any validation of my abuse or 'i am sorry for what happened' - nothing at all. And yes at times i still cry for that validation.

I really feel for you, sending you hugs. Do you have any professional support? Happy to chat with you whenver, just tag me if you like.xxxxooo

@pinklollipop15 I'm really sorry for what you've experienced 🌼 To be believed, listened to, and validated is so important and impactful in the path to processing and healing.

I think it's ultimately up to you how you proceed - if you do speak with your mum about it again, though, do you think you'd have enough support to fall back on if it doesn't go well and ends up being upsetting or hurtful?

We're here for you, & you may or may not also be interested in chatting with someone specialising in sexual abuse by webchat or call at 1800 RESPECT.

@BlueBay also sending much love for what you've experienced 💗 It sounds incredibly hurtful how your parents behaved when you deserved care and support, and I'm so sorry that they still haven't provided that validation for you. For what its worth, I see you, I recognise you, I believe you 💐

Thank you so much @Former-Member

Not been validated kills the heart

especially by the ones that should love you

how can they not ??

wow @BlueBay .. That reaction, I felt it from here, all those feelings, yours and your parents. So much confusion, shame, anger, guilt, blame.. all those emotions that eat at you and so much strength from you to push through it. You are one tough person and so is your husband.

@pinklollipop15 - Forgiveness is such a powerful emotion. It frees us of the fear of moving forward and allows us to learn from the past. You have done so well but I have to ask, in bringing this up, what is the question you need to be answered? Before going back to bring it up with your mum, find out what you need to know and then ask yourself if you will find it there. Only you will know in your heart if the answers you seek will bring you peace.

thanks @AussieRecharger i don't feel like a strong women at all. But thanks for your kind words.

I still can't forgive or forget about the trauma and about my parents. Theres so much more I could write but I won't - it still affects me so much. It hurts, it really does. It was like another kick in the guts. All i ever wanted was for my mum especially to put her arms around me and give me a big hug, hold me tight and say 'i am sorry' - instead i received the worst possible outcome.

and i still want it now 11 years after telling her - i need that hug; i need that validation

If only they knew about my brother - but i can't do that to my dad with his heart condition.

This is so triggering that i want to help but right now i just can't be here

i am so sorry @AussieRecharger i want to be here for others but i just can't 😞 😞

@Former-Member

@BlueBay that is more than okay, please take all the space and time you need to look after yourself
If a crisis support would be helpful, you could reach out to 1800 RESEPCT or Lifeline

💐💙

Hey @pinklollipop15

It takes a very brave and insightful person to be able to forgive what has happened to you. Those that did not believe you do not need anymore of your time but if you still have questions as @AussieRecharger has suggested then maybe figuring out what they are and who you actually need those answers from is a good next step. Whether you do or do not bring this up with your Mum again is totally up to you. May I suggest you work through every scenario if you do bring it up again and therefore be prepared (as much as you can) for whatever reaction(s) she may have. From experience I know it will not be easy - and we often cannot predict what the outcome will be - but running through all those possible responses does arm us with a litte bit of a guard in whatever is to come.

As well as 1800RESPECT that @Former-Member suggested there is also Blue Knot that can offer some advice specifically for childhood trauma.

Ultimately it is important you do what is right for you and have support around you with whatever you decide to do.

sorry to post my story on here @Former-Member @pinklollipop15 @AussieRecharger

its not my post.
Maybe I should get my posts deleted

I do love to give support and advice where I csn.

@BlueBay

If you ever did want to talk about it, please do create a post and I will be there to talk with your regarding it when you are ready. Your posts here are relevant as it shows that bringing these things up can lead to outcomes that were not expected from loved ones.

Hi @AussieRecharger i do have a post on my childhood abuse, I'll see if I can find it and tag you. That way we can then talk.