New here and here is my alcoholism start of story see if it is like yours and let me know.

Hi, I am new here don't know how to create a new post or thread or use this.

I am wanting to talk about alcoholism among other things.

I am actually 1 month off alcohol now for the first time in about 15 years straight because I am on blood thinners and drikning would put me further at risk of dying etc.

Problem is even now I struggle with thinking about alcohol and it has been really hard (harder than my life threatending injuries) to deal with not drikning and the cravings even after weeks off it and sober.

I can only drink once a week now (massive session until I can't drink anymore) but still feel addicted and think about it every day.

I find that I get bored if life, feel very serious and angry and boring, and need an escape which is alcohol.

It instantly makes me feel better with 1 mouthful.

I used to only got 'out' to drink but now I only really stay home on my own and drink alone during Covid and end up messaging heaps of people I would never message and regret pretty much all of it but don't care when drinking as need attention and think 'why can't people respond what's wrong with them I am being friendly the world need more friendliness'.

I can function and deal with hangovers no problem really and it usually goes, drink, deal with the hangover day, next day feel extremely fresh and want to drink again, drink, rinse repeat.

Sometimes I do 5 out of the 7 days and rarely I took more than 2 days off until recently.

I find I am a different person drinking, patient, friendly, interested, loving, and the opposite when I am not drinking.

I have said I can control it and stop whenever I want but I don't think I can, no one seems to care and I've ruined HEAPS of my life doing this, relationships with lovers, friends, work, it goes on, money, high risk activities etc.

I want to talk and be honest, anyone here?