@Anastasia , @Mumi , @Emelia8
and other visitors to this thread
{Words~1100}
Thanks to each of you for the sentiments offered to me with respect to the passing and funeral of my friend.
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Often, what I write is a reflection of what I am personally {tautology for emphasis} feeling, thinking, and, or experiencing. As a result, there is for me, a cathartic effect which comes from that expression or description of my self-reflections, thoughts, feelings and experiences. That effect also is apparent for me when making observations about what other people describe about their situations. In this way, I hope that the content of my correspondence is not only helpful to me, but also to others who may be interested in reading my thoughts and discussions, in the way that I offer and present them in the forum.
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@Anastasia , Thank you for your sentiments extended to me re the funeral yesterday. So very much appreciated, particularly at the time that we corresponded. I did sleep well, thank you, just not for as long as might have been beneficial. Had appointment with the counsellor today. The discussion was mainly a review of where we have come from and a projection and plan for future 'work'. The counsellor tells me, and it is evident, that our discussions are mainly self-directed by me. She offers resource material and information that, she believes, fits with the direction that I am going. While I say self-directed, I have developed, through our discussions, what I believe to be a reasonable awareness of the issues that I am facing. It is a little difficult to describe, what may be a discussion that is fairly complex by nature, time and coverage, in a short synopsis. But I can say that I am pleased with progress to date.
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@Mumi , The tulips are lovely. To me they seem to be a gentle reminder that our existence involves other people and circumstances, some good, some bad, some delightful and precious and some sad. But we need to support, sustain and nurture ourselves and each other through each and every experience, with shared enjoyment at times, mutual and reciprocal support and strength at other times.
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The friend and I had a very good relationship. I remember being in the kitchen/dining area, on one occasion. He and I were sharing something humorous and, for some reason, I thought about his wife, who was in an adjacent computer room. The thought that occurred to me, at that time, was that she was pleased that my friend and I were able to share and enjoy reflections about so many events either individually, one to another, and also reminiscences over experiences that we had shared. Consequently, there are enjoyable and fond memories on which I can continue to reflect and, also, share with other mutual friends.
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I can empathise with the feelings that you may have with regard to the passing of your Mum this year. My Mum passed away just over two years ago. We were fortunate in sharing her last ten years, since Mum lived with me for seven years and three more years in residential aged care. The aged care community is 750 metres from my home, and is like another room in my house. So I was able to be with Mum during most of that three year period. Those ten years were a time and experience, for which I am truly grateful.
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Like you though, despite the positive and healing experience that was afforded Mum and me, your comment applies to me also:
“Every now and again I cry that mum has gone and all the regrets”.
There are significant reasons why that ten years was so special for both Mum and me, and also a time of healing. That is where the previous circumstances about which the regrets and disappointments lay. Neither of us, at that time, during my childhood, had sufficient influence or capacity to control or affect a change or improvement in those circumstances. The latter ten years, were a time of pleasure, privilege and healing for me, as I hope and believe, that it was also for Mum.
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Your Gardenia looks lovely in the photo. Gardenias are among my favourite plants because of their generally tidy and compact appearance and the beautiful aroma of the flowers. I am not sure why it would not be flowering. I shall have a look for some answers.
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@Emelia8 , I share your enjoyment of the fact that @Mumi continues to be an active member of the forum.
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It seems, also, that you are among those of us, collectively, who have had the relatively recent experience of the passing of our mothers. These feelings are often very strongly felt, with respect to loved ones who have passed away, and are more poignantly felt at significant times, such as wedding anniversaries and birthdays. We also, often re-connect with the residual rawness of those associated feelings at such times.
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It is obvious that, as we get older, the loss of loved ones becomes ever more likely. Sometimes sudden, sometimes sooner than expected. All of us, but in particular, those who, for various reasons, including experience of previous abuse, trauma, and consequent or existing health and mental health issues, I believe, may be more vulnerable and sensitive to such events involving loss, the experience of which, I feel and believe, can be particularly distressing and draining.
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I know that many more long-established members are aware of the loss of loved ones, by you, me and others, and the general details that we have shared about those events and experiences. I sometimes have the feeling that;
'I should not dwell on the loss of the special people from my life, reflection on which, may as a result, cause me distress'.
However, when reflecting on the losses described by others, the idea that is brought to mind is that it is worthwhile to sometimes reflect on and share those reflections, thoughts and feelings again, with others whom we have come to know, especially in the environment and context offered by this website and forum. The feelings of distress and melancholy are felt far more widely, I believe, than is evident from the self-disclosures by you, me and others of such feelings, even on this website.
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While I have been writing this note to you three in particular, I have just noticed the pleasant, engaging and reassuring conversation that you have had during the past few hours.
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With Best Wishes
to
@Anastasia , @Mumi , @Emelia8
from
@HenryX
