bigmommaNew Contributor
depression for older women
my life history is horrific to me, my father sexually abused me, and when my relatives found out they had my father at their house talking it over , my mother came over to me and said ," if you dont come back home i will get beaten up, " to me all that said was she cared more about her own safety than the fact that my father was sexually molesting me,
my father was also physically and verbally abusive to my mother and me not so much to my brother but he copped a bit of it
when all that was said and done my brother followed in his fathers footsteps and sexually abused me when i was 12 and he was 17, my mother even saw the pornographic photos my brother took with a polaroid camera and yet to this day both my brother and my mother denied they did anything wrong,
my eldest son also continued the abuse but i think my mother had a hand in this whenever she babysat the boy she made him stay strapped in his pushchair hiding him away from my father and yet my mother when confronted with my knowledge of this again all she could say was her safety,
then when the boy was about 16 after being ostracised from her for years she told him the horror stories of my childhood and told him after my father died, well that didnt help his disposition, and his dislike of being made to stay etc and hatred of waiting for things and lack of patience when he was forced to stay in a pusher for hours,
and now the result for me is i think everyone hates me, im no good at things and i even think my pussycat hates me cos i told her off for knocking the mice cage to the ground,
im scared of people and even when a lady at the bowls club when told i had double booked myself for a championship game of bowls i phoned her to say sorry and all she could say without saying anything else etc, was" what so you dont want to play with me cos im a bad player, well if you want your money back i wont give it to you unless they (the committee)give me back mine""
now ive been sitting, laying on the floor sobbing my heart out and scared that if i speak i will upset people , im scared to ask for help or a ride to the shops from my son as im scared he will be angry with me
