Living with absence

Oh @Krishna

I feel so terrible now having read about your week..

We do seem to be living in parallels to a certain degree..

I pushed myself out ..pushed through the anxiety and met up with friend meeting me halfway

We met up with other couple on arrival at nursery with cafe waiting on one who is always running late...that is fine does not fuss me...tis life..

then we all agreed too loud...too busy...bench type seating not comfortable...

so another place was suggested...

All followed like a convoy we were...

I meant to tell them when we got there that I thought of the 3 c's...

three cuckoo carers...

of course forgot when I got there...

it takes some time for carers who all have issues as well as their own health issues to settle...order...sit and try and have a conversation...

As usual there was laughter...

closer to sounding like hysteria at times I think...

It was actually a beautiful cafe in an old double storey building tucked away down a side street in another hills town.Food was lovely and I opted for water as have 2 coffees with breakfast..

One of the others let me follow her on the way home as we went a different way..

Eventually I grasped where I was and I arrived back in home hills country town..

Although I felt so close to crying on the way there...I held it back..

Navigating the confusion and working out different conversations is just so warm and delightful..

We all talked about clutter...housework not done...dust...yes can write initials in it..

So momentarily I have been lifted out of what was starting to worry me..

We are always so happy to see each other and are aware that we are all worn out in different ways.. All carers..

Thank you so much for your reply..

I feel so much for you..

This NDIS seems to have so much to answer for.

Was there or is there still or about to happen a royal commission investigating the organisation?

In a situation with your daughter consistency is paramount..

Have you been able to talk to her medical team ..?

Hopefully they are keeping you uptodate..

Yes would be huge hugs...

Probably sitting in comfortable chairs in your garden more established...then mine discussing more ideas..

I like the idea of the hand on heart and abdomen (do you mean diaphragm)

I have tried visualising anxiety as different objects and watching them dissipate...burn off...smoke disperse...

accepting it as a physical sensation ..holding and nurturing a child floating with it might try that tonight ...another strategy to get to sleep..

I showed them all my little worry doll from the culture of Myanmar...she was not in her little sleeping bag...that was wet when I dropped it in the bathroom sink laugh...so drying out at home in the bathroom..

she didn't need her sleeping bag as she was out socialising today and helping to keep me together...

I live in my own little world...It is alright though...they all know me here..

I will ask my worry doll to hold your worries for you tonight..

The tradition is the worry doll takes away your worries as you sleep if you put her under your pillow..

Well that does not work with me...I do not sleep much...

plus I don't think that it is good to have my worries taken away from me...I ask for them to be held safely overnight returned the next day for me to continue the journey of working through them..

too deep?

much love and hugs back Krishna..

Hey @Sophia1 So happy you pushed through and met up with like situation souls and laughter included. Wonderful. Cant remember the last time I had a good laugh. Would love to have just stayed in bed a little longer this morning but neighbour mowing with ride-on so up and starting the day whatever it may hold. I like the idea of your worry doll and will source one for myself. Heating up here already so washing machine will have my attention this morning and a little watering of the garden. Yes my girls medical team, public guardian and new NDIS team all in communication with me this week keeping me uptodate. Too much information but need to be involved. Hoping your weekend is easy Sophia.

Hello @Krishna

Hope that you had some pleasant time gardening

windy here . Pushed myself outside has been too long

2hours. Cold..

Brought more cut flowers in

Feing very flat and drained

false high yesterday even though love seeing them

I hope that you have a restful day tomorrow

I will tell my worry doll to get the word out so that you can find one

In the interim mine is listening to you also

cant write properly on mobile

will speak soon

big hug 🤗 xx

:Hello @Krishna

wanting to let you know that I have been thinking of you..

checking to see if there is a reply..

similar to checking if any letters have arrived before electronic world took that away also

.. still we would not have this connection via the forums..

much happening I am assuming and so much to try and take in..

Will keep an eye out for you should you need a hug.. a connection..

I hope that they are supportive as well as effective

speak when you are ready..

Sophia

Hi @Sophia1 You've been in my thoughts also though my thoughts are somewhat muffled at present due to starting an antidepressant medication Tuesday night. Feeling very fatigued and off centre but hoping this improves given time. Had been spiralling downhill this past month to a place I didn't want to be so hoping these meds lighten my mood. Going to be very hot here today and normally I would drive to the beach for a cool swim but don't think I'm capable of that today so will stay indoors in the cool. Hope you're doing okay and talk soon. 🙏❤️

Hello @Krishna

Thank you for taking the time to let me know how you are feeling..

Starting antidepressant medication is different for everyone.

Hopefully you have been told how long that particular one takes to kick in and you start noticing some change..

I know that you would be aware to keep an eye on other symptoms...side effects..

You most definitely are still exhausted...drained emotionally and physically from everything that has been going on and is now changing again..

My situation is so very different to yours...although you did say that you went through all of this many years ago..

You are a good mum and love your daughter..

The professionals are the only one who can help her now with her state of mind...

Remind yourself of those last two statements..

Get rid of guilt if it visits...envisage how...I find this helps me..

I have lost both of my worry dolls.

They are so very tiny.

They are probably busy helping you..

Rest ...breathe and look at your garden that brings you joy.

Can you take a picture of your favourite part with your phone.

Then you will have it there closeby if you cannot get outside..

Sophia 💜

take yourself to this field of beautiful yellow tulips

Thank you @Sophia1 for your wise words and beautiful flowers. Have been told I should feel an improvement in the next couple of weeks but the daytime sedation affect is horrid but I will just have to go with the flow. No other side affects which is reassuring. Managed to get out and water the garden earlier but oh my such an effort. I'll keep in touch my friend xx

Thank you @Krishna

You are looking after yourself

comforting for me to read

you are observing your body

you are behaving xx

Hi @Sophia1 Just wanted to touch base. Have decided to give these new meds a miss as side effects too much for me. Looking forward to waking with a clear head tomorrow instead of the dizzy brain fog and lethargy I've been experiencing. Will return to my CBT mindfulness meditation walking and garden instead. Hope your okay and wishes for a peaceful easy weekend. 🙏❤️

Hello @Krishna

I lost you for quite a while there..

Have had post concussion flare ups mixed in with all that comes with missing adult children..

you know the drift..

I have been trying to write to you all day..

now am worn out from phone calls..

will get back to you when I can..

Not sure where you are at..

Last I read somewhere your daughter was visiting and then your husband was unwell..

Then I lost that thread..

Wherever you are

A tag would be warmly welcomed when and if you are up to it..

Sophia1

blast from the past