Should he be driving?

Dear @PeppiPatty

Thanks so much for answering in such detail. The timeline really helped me get an idea about your sons journey with MI. There have obviously been times when you have been very concerned so its no wonder you felt emotional writing this! I hope it was not too upsetting.

It's sad isn't it when our kids develop mental illness, especially when it becomes chronic. There are times when you feel so powerless, and very uncertain about what to do. It sounds like you have made some excellent decisions and been very supportive of your son. Thankfully you have had good support too

How sad that your Dad was so unhelpful. I think it can be difficult for the older generation to understand mental illness, they need to make an effort!

I have 2 sons too. My eldest is 21. He went right off the rails when he was 13, after my husband and I divorced. He started drinking and smoking marijuana then and has hardly had a break from it since. He also takes other drugs, particularly ecstasy, and I see that he is often moody, anxious, even paranoid. However, he also works full-time, which helps keep him healthy, and he has never been psychotic. I just thnk he has an anxiety disorder, and wish he would try medication instead of illegal drugs.

My other son, the one who still lives with me now, he smoked marijuana secretly, I didn't know about it. Then when he started at college, he started smoking it every day and I still didn't know. I thought he might be smoking it occasionally with friends but I didn't know it was daily. Then he took mushrooms, LSD and synthetic LSD....and ended up completely psychotic, in hospital for his 17th birthday. It was very frightening for me. I didn't know if he would ever recover, but thank God he did. He was in hospital for a month, then on medication for 18 months at home.

He came off the medication at Christmas time.

It's hard when people, especially people of an older generation, make harsh judgements on young peope with MI who have used drugs. Its impossible to say whether the illness causes the drug use, or the drug use causes the illness. In any case there are plenty of other people who take drugs but seem to get away with it without getting MI.

I also work with older people in their homes, as a community support worker. Like you, I dont want too much stress, as I want to keep an eye on my son, and also my ageing parents.

Thank you again for your replies, and also thank your husband too. I hope he's getting better

@Louise

Dearest @Louise

I will be as upfront to you as I can. Firstly that it's wonderful that your a Community Guide. Your parenting should be acknowledged. You have done nothing wrong with your parenting.

But when I was writing to someone on a thread called Stuffing my life up....I have made mistakes. The most important thing to do is to be able to say sorry and be there and listen and let the anger or whatever run it's course. My kids were that angry at me . It came out in bits and pieces and it took about 5 years. Then one day, I was visiting my oldest son in East Australia ( im in Western Australia ) and both sons were sitting at a table telling each other how crazy I was and I snapped.

I just said: For 5 years I said sorry, I made a mistake and yes, I was very unstable but I've also come to you to say sorry, I'm better and life must go on!

...............................................................

My husband will be delighted to hear what you say to him.

I've always read books by a lady called Ann Donovasen. Her book "Tell me why I'm Here," ( I think) She is a wonderful wonderful mentor for us women. She wrote a book about her sons journey with Schizophrenia. She writes that Schizophrenia is not brought on by bad parenting but more a great loss that happens in the child's life. Say, there is a divorse and the father is not as available as much as he was and it might affect one child more that the other children because of the oldest brother or younger brother place.

The divorse in my family significantly affected my oldest son than my youngest son. On the drugs, I'm right in there.

There is so much hope there for our sons

Thank you so much for your replies :0)

You are welcome @PeppiPatty

We have all made mistakes. It's part of being human. But yes, saying sorry, hanging in there, listening...it all helps. There always is a way forward, there is always hope

Divorce is so difficult for everyone concerned. My eldest son seemed to be affected worse than my younger son, but....it's hard to tell really. It's very sad.

However, I'm very grateful to have two beautiful adult sons in my life. I'm also grateful that my ex fell in love again and remarried. I want them all to be healthy and happy.

I would like to repartner one day but I think I need a bit more emotional stability and maturity first......and if it never happens, that's okay too.

Thank you for your kindness and I hope you have a lovely weekend

@Louise

DEar @Louise

You have no idea how much I needed to hear this.

I try and stay upbeat as much as possible. I get very annoyed at others who have an agenda but when I get tired, I get an agenda and fall apart myself.

My oldest son is the most affected from my frist divorse because some very bad things happened to him but no one could have stopped which is too long to get into.......but he had continual psychotherapy behind him and me.

When you started writing, I felt that you have all the tools behind you. There are ao many others who havent got the tools and this is what concerns me and should concern others. I go and see a young mother and her 17 year old boyfriend and their 4 month old baby sometimes and bring something over. I got them a cot a couple of weeks ago. They have no parenting role models behind them and found that if I stay away and not get involved too much, it is a good thing for my husband and myself to discuss and keeps my husband in the moment as well.

A couple of years ago, I met this young girl. @Former-Member was halping me with boundries and for over ayear, I was avioding them, their story is so tragic but my life is always having my own family and my husband first. They had a baby 5 months ago and I posted onlline on facebook for baby things for them.

Kindest regards, Anne