waiting and crying, but I cant just chase you either .so what do I do

Helo everyone this post may sound depressing or sad but anyway there have been days of missing someone,theres been times where Im withdrawing into a cocoon so to speak ,Im missing you ,Im crying over you and yet if I see you again I feel like Ive cared too much so now if I do see you Imay turn you away cause I care about you ,miss you,but I dont want to bother you I care so much that it hurts and so it would be better in a way if I didnt care about you,I found myself today sitting where you once sat,Ive cried Ive felt the need to be quiet ,wrap myself in a blanket,I understand youve got stufff to deal with maybe even things I shouldnt know but that doesnt stop me from missing you,wish I could just sit and talk with you for hours,wish I dodnt hide my feelings,wish I wasnt such a difficult person to love and spend time with I wish so much right now I dont know wether Ill see you again,I want to see you but then out of missing you and not wanting to feel my feelings about you I may tell you to leave even though thats the last thing I want to happen,Ive been emotional,but on my own so you havnt seen that side as much,your not a mind reader but Im not the best at telling you these things,things Ive thought about in recent days,I havnt seen you for a fair while so maybe I hve lost you,I dont know ,it would be better if I didnt care so much,its ok ,its ok maybe Ill see you one day or maybe one of us will call,thank you for all you did for me,take it easy,bye foe now,I am safe ,just emotional