Letter to an abuser - thoughts?

Hi @Powderfinger ,

You have incredible insight into this, and you share much of te thoughts that I have about the issue.

I totally agree that writing the letter is not about them, but the healing it can bring to you. All those emotions, thoughts and feelings you have bottled up have not been healthy for you, yet have made no difference to your abuser.

If you feel this will help you live beyond the abuse, go for it. As you said, it makes you a SURVIVOUR! (Please don't think that I condone the abuse, but rather, it is a way for you to love the life you deserve).

I have been so encouraged by what you have posted, @Powderfinger . It shows a real determination of spirit to put a halt to the lingering abuse. As you said, bring "closure" so you can start a new chapter in life.

You deserve it. What you ultimately do with the letter is up to you.

Hugs, BPDSurvivor

@BPDSurvivor @Oaktree @BlueBay @Bow

Firstly, I will send my sorrows to those who have suffered. Regardless of what she you were when the abuse happened, it isn't your fault. I know how hard that is to accept and believe. I went through it and still go through it. I also know how important is to develop new neural pathways and how challenging that can be as well. Healing is tiring and healing is hard work.

I personally feel that victims and survivors need to do what is right and feels good for them. So much of that choice was taken away by the people that chose to abuse them. Those people were not doing what was right nor good. I still have so much sadness in me. I don't like feeling it in me. I don't like the flashbacks and memories. I don't like how I feel during the flashbacks and memories. Sometimes I'm just too tired to pull myself out. It's lonely too.

I think sometimes all the trauma is just too much and I don't want to remember it anymore. It's like it doesn't let go of you but you want to let go of it.

@BPDSurvivor

I do have incredible insight about a lot of things. I also do not have any insight about a lot of things too.

I'm glad that my post inspired you. It's good when anyone writes something that inspires other people positively. It makes me feel good inside anyway.

@Oaktree @BlueBay

It seems you have a bit in common. It was nice to read the dialogue between both of you. Always appreciate the small and rare moments when you meet another whom can relate. We live in a world where it is super hard to find anyone we can relate to and who can relate to us.

For me, I chop and change my mind about this letter. It isn't an easy decision. The many what ifs that go through my mind. The contingency planning if something is to go bad or wrong.

I do know I need to make my decision a little bit quicker though. I only have Sunday left and Monday I am in court for a restraining order application against her. After it is granted, I really don't want to contact her should I decide to send the letter of course. So basically it is my only chance to send it before then should I decide to.

Thanks everyone for posting if your experiences. @Oaktree take your letter writing as slow as you need too. This is all for you and it's your own process.

PF

@Former-Member can you pls tell me why I received an email reg my reply to @Oaktree post (breached guidelines) and told it was taken off the forum.

Yet - it's still here!!!!

I don't understand?? Can someone pls explain where I went wrong.

Are there no Moderators around??

Hi @BlueBay,

Just dropping you an email now in regards to this matter, apologies for the delay. Hope you are well.

With the upmost care and gratitude,

Otter

Thanks @Otter I've received your email.

Hi @Oaktree

when I told my parents about my childhood abuse they refused to believe me. I was yelled at, told off because I didn't tell my mum when it happened. I walked out of my parents home sobbing. We then didn't speak for 4 years. We are now on talking terms but the abuse is never brought up. So I've never been validated or never had an apology from my parents.
its niw 11 yrs since my memories of the abuse came out and I still have flashbacks every now and then. I still cry for the loss of my childhood. I also have BPD. It's a journey that I'm starting to get the help I need.

Wishing you all the best for Monday @Powderfinger

and also with your letter. Thinking of you.
xxx

I am sorry @BlueBay

Even though your experience was never validated it is your truth. I hope that you find some healing.

@BlueBay

Thank you. Almost made me cry that someone is thinking of me. X