Parenting in the pandemic

It sounds like you have a lot happening at the moment which sounds quite overwhelming @Unic0rn. I really hear that this is all starting to take its toll on your wellbeing which I am sorry to hear. I've been struggling with lockdown myself and I don't have the added pressure of parenting and home schooling so I really take my hat off you to and all other parents during this time.

I'm glad that you have found yourself on these forums, its important that we talk about how we are doing. Do you have any supports/people you can talk to during this time?

I really encourage you to reach out and call a help line such as Lifeline (13 11 14) or the SANE counselling support on 1800 187 263 (this service is available between 10am and 10pm AEST on Monday-Friday).

I am also sure that other forum members will come by shortly and offer some support.

Take care and be gentle with yourself during this difficult time.

CalmingNature

Hi @Unic0rn

Thank you for sharing.. I too feel the same way. I have never told anyone or admitted to anyone but I do feel sometimes I need space away from my toddler. Im a single mum and caring for my parents who have alzheimers and dementia (early onset) so the need of just having a break is so wanted.

I feel guilty just like you when I just go to my room and close the door for 2 minutes. My son will be outside the door calling me and I just want to say leave me alone for a minute child! Then I hear him call again and then guilt comes and I will go outside. Im so tired, run down, working and studying at the same time and just over life! But you know you have to keep going and you know its not your child's fault.. so its ok to feel that need to be alone and re-charge. Maybe talk to your partner and tell him how you feel. Especially the need to be alone to re-charge. Suggest that your partner can hang out with your son for an hour or so until you can start again.

Dont be too hard on yourself! we dont have to do everything ourselves! (easy to write hard to do!) But lets just give it a go aye!

Be kind to yourself xxx

It's hard. It might help to keep sharing with the child about what the "social battery" is and how it gets drained and how it recharges. Kids are kids but they've also got a lot of psychological intuition. It would count as social development education because there's a lot of social battery factors out there. Might also be a way to carve out some collaborative sanity.

From experience, I get that the lower the charge, the harder things like discussing boundaries can become. Just trying to think of potential efficiencies.

Hi @Unic0rn

I hear you. I wonder if you husband and son are also craving alone time and by taking it for yourself you are modelling that to them and also giving them 'permission' to take their own time?

I know that's not the only thing at play here, just a thought 🙂

Take care

I can relate in so many ways to what you are experiencing. I also crave time away from my children, now that they never leave home it is so intense. I hate that they are pushed onto the internet to learn & it seems to be constant complaining & arguing from them. The fact you are there for your son tells me you are an amazing mum - you are putting your comfort after his, & making great sacrifices. Parenting is so very hard, I had no idea how hard it was before I had kids & my husband wanted them more than I did so...the rest is history. Try to do little things that reclaim who you are, every week, I try to do a little gardening or listen to a podcast or audio-book, whatever takes me back to who I am. Sounds like you are doing a fabulous job in very trying circumstances. The pandemic will pass, eventually, & life will get better.

Thank you all so much for your kind words, for your understanding and suggestions... it really helps me to not feel so alone.

I've never thought that by me modeling self-care/ taking time for myself I may show my son and husband that it is ok to do so too... a very intriguing idea. My son doesn't like being on his own at all (he's nine and would prefer to be glued to one of us at all times, and has been this way since birth) but my husband might not feel that he can do what he needs... I am getting breaks, but just don't feel like I can recharge properly while they are in the house... and I am uncomfortable asking them to leave - there is really nowhere to go at the moment! And it feels like I 'shouldn't' need them to go in order for my nervous system to calm down... I know where this comes from (both the hypervigilance and strong self-criticism) but knowing this is not helping... I try to remind myself that I am an adult now and that I am safe, but my body won't listen and my mind keeps whirring, and all the strategies and tools I've leant to cope with this go out the window...

Thank you for asking re support - I have a counselor I see weekly but even that didn't help today, as all I could do was cry for an hour and then I couldn't even stop after that. Maybe I am simply expecting too much, maybe I need to accept that of course this situation will be triggering and exhausting. Yet I need to get through this for a while longer and I am not pleasant to be around for anybody, myself included.