Growing up with older sister with BPD

Hi @Smallsupporter

I know how you feel. My older sister is very intelligent person, has graduated with 3 masters, 4 degrees and still stduying. She was my parents 'Golden Child'. When growing up just the two of us she used to manipulates situations where she is not in wrong so she can get her way and threats me so she wont get in trouble. Because my parent believed her more than me at the time, I was always scolded at and ounished. We moved out together and boy that was really hard. She made me pay the highest amount of rent and she paid little rent (90% me - 10% her) and then water and electricity same ratio but she made me pay my cut early as she says I am bad with my money. She would eat all my food and wear my clothes and shoes. But if I ate any of her food its like world war 3..

I opened my business and it was a struggle - starting something from scratch - but she still made me pay the highest rate of the rent and utilities. One time I said didnt pay the water upfront she rang my parents and called me names under the sun. She would call me stupid, taunt me want Im sleeping and would just make my life hell. I moved back to my parent home and I still had to pay the high rent and pay rent to my parents. No-one helped me when I had zero in the bank and no one cared that I was struggling.

Now after further hurtful events my sister and I havent spoken to each other for almost 12 years and my parents have moved in with me as she wont even return their phone call. My sister still blames myself and my younger sister for her so call bad life. All her university degrees have been paid by my parents, her unit was renovated by myself (as I was a builder) and her furniture was my new furniture that I bought when I moved out from my parent's house (long story there).

My parents has realised how selfish my older sister is and ungrateful. She was diagnosed with BPD but no one knows what she is doing about it.

So I think I know what you went through.. its hard because now you feel like you seem to allow people to do what they want because thats how you know what life is. Always cosntant fear that you say something someone will hurt you. I've gone through alot and now after having all the help I can get I am better in accepting who I am and that my voice should be heard (stick up for yourself).

Be strong for you, Be happy for you and Be kind to yourself xxx

hello @Smallsupporter and welcome

Well done on reaching out for some support for yourself. Im sorry that you went through all of what you did and its totally understandable that your own mental health would suffer through that.

I am your age myself and while i dont have an older sister i dont have the most supportive family. im more of the outcast and just seem to get in the way. I have BPD myself but my anger is usually directly at myself internally instead rather then directed at other people. It sounds like you sister need more psychological support to learn to manager her anger.

I think you would also benefit creating a thread on the lived experince side of the forums as well, i have read many peoples stories who have experienced all sorts of abuse and im sure there would be others who would join in to support you as well. please tag me if you decide to do this as well.

Would seeking some professional help for yourself be something that you would be interested in as well?

Hi @outlander

Thanks for the support, will definitely checkout the lived experienced forums!

And I've also decied to get some preofessional help for myself.

Hi @Smallsupporter that is tough. I would recommend getting a good counsellor/psychologist to talk through this. What you were subject to is very hurtful & when you're only a child yourself, is also confusing & upsetting. I am very aware of how siblings actions & lack of insight can hurt us! They are often the people with whom we have the longest relationships, in our lives. Has she shown any remorse for her actions, or desire to make up for her behaviour? Get help, don't suffer on your own.