Narcissist

Hi @DD5 ,

My ex-partner always says that he saved his friends relationships and when they do come he says that his their savour. He always mentioned how they call him for advice and cry on his shoulders. In the 3 years I was with him - no one called him or even meet up with him. If they do make contact he always says there is a death or someone is sick. The best one is that they owe him money.

After leaving him and accidentally bumping to his friends at the shops I realise that he was the one that cries to his friends and borrow money. Thats why noone talks to him because they are over his whinging and constant borrowing of money.

So I agree with you that people point the other finger to others when they are the one that is doing it. It creates this belief that they are not the problem.. I belief that it makes them feel that they are not the problem and otehr people are. Till this day it annoys me that I tolerated that behaviour as Im not that type of person and I was becoming that type of person.

Hope your day is going well. Keep safe.. xxx

My father had NPD (but as well as being pathologically self focused, he also fits anti-social personality disorder too) @DD5 but it wasn't his diagnosis that was the problem, it was who he was as a person. When I was in hospital I became friends with someone & we were talking about our parents NPD and the damage it did to us, then he gave an example of a person in his friendship circle with NPD that was completely harmless. Didn't have the capacity to not be self focused, but wasn't abusive. There is a difference.

My father wasn't obsessed with narcissism but he was obsessed with diagnosing other people including us with mental illness. Status and what people think of him was one of his core concerns and because of the stigma of MI he didn't want to be a social pariah. Anything that may place him lower down the social hierarchy was threatening, he would aggressively accuse other people of being mentally ill, when all he did was reveal his own true diagnosis. Pretty dumb that way.

He lied about traumas that never happened, and stole other people's biography as his own for attention. He was an attention seeker and got pleasure out of causing people emotional pain. He had a lot of affairs and couldn't be faithful, he had to chase the next ego thrill & got bored easily, hence his constant feeling of emptiness. I can't believe any women was attracted to him. He made many threats to leave Mum, and made many limp attempts, but abusive people are pathetically needy and it was impossible for him to be on his own. He had to have control over someone else otherwise emptiness would set in and he couldn't handle not having someone weaker than him around to abuse and make him feel powerful.

I think that the term is thrown around too much, and people don't take it seriously. But I also think that psychiatrists are reluctant to give out the diagnosis, and would prefer to give the patient a BPD diagnosis instead.

My father was an abusive person that happened to have a mental illness. But he also had asthma, heart disease, high blood pressure and other health problems. It's about who he was as a person.

Corny

Thanks Corny for your reply. I got alot out reading your words. You father and my family member have much in common. I'm really struggling with it right now and trying to find a solution. I hope you are going OK, thanks again.

Thanks for your reply. Those words are very helpful. I hope you are doing OK.