Time for change

Well I've done it made the first big step to change and break my cycle.

I've called my family and made arrangements to move home. In my own best interest I am going home to my mother to start to get the help I need. After letting out what I've been holding my hole life. I've finally had some time to think and with some help from fantastic people here. I decided it's time to go home and get the help I need now knowing what I'm dealing with. Being stuck out in the bush has given me a much needed break from the distructive cycle that has plagued me for a long time. Only downside is that I'm broke and my car is in need of repair at a high cost that I just don't have. So either way still have to wait till a miracle comes lol. It's all ok just have to wait 6 weeks to save the money to get the part so I can move. Hopefully by then the covid lockdown will be over and I will be able to travel to where I need to go. But at least I've my the decision to do it. Better than the last one of shutting everything out. Not what I wanted but it's better than hurting due not being able to fix and go back to what put me here. Anyway thank to everyone here turning some lights so to speak I now can see a way out. Going to be hard but now I have some sort of directin to head in. Thank you everyone for all the help and support I feel so lucky to have found this place and come across others that understands me. Still struggling and highly strung out but my head is clearer and no longer hurts. I suffer from serious migraines when things things get like this. This has been the worst I've ever been through. With reading the replies from everyone has pulled me through and given me the strength to do what is much needed for me to get the help to survive this.

Live you all and thanks again. Will continue to post as I go on through this some no doubt there going to be more ups and downs. With the help of you all there is hope for me now. Thank for letting me say what I need to let out as it is not a easy thing for me to do being able to post it I was able to just open up and let it rush out. I felt like I was losing my mind. Now I can think for a minute and then go over that I wrote gave me a new way to deal with it. Something I've never had. So thanks and bless you all. I'm in my level stage now just waiting for it to start again. But now I have new ideas and ways to help cope. Love you all big hugs. Still have alot of replies to read over so I know you all are here and hear me thank you.