Self Care Article

This is the first page (I relate to):

WHAT NOBODY TELLS ABOUT SELF-CARE
By Mawiyah Patten

In social work, “self-care” is one of those terms that is so overused, it has ceased to mean anything. Typically when self-care is referenced, the speaker is referring to activities and experiences that bring you pleasure. “The work in this field is really tough. You have to practice self-care. Go to a yoga class. Take a walk on a sunny day. Protect your leisure time. Get a mani/pedi. Soak in a bubble bath. Treat yo’self.”

Pleasure is great, and it is important. During seasons when I am depressed, I force myself to indulge in pleasure as though it were a lifeline, because it is. Most likely, there is actual theory and clinical principles behind this, but I’m no clinician, so I can’t speak to that. Here’s my interpretation: feeling bad all day, every day, is exhausting. It’s not good for your body, or your heart, or your psyche. So when I reach day 3 of feeling sad and terrible, I force-feed myself pleasure, even though depression sucks all desire for fun and pleasure out of you. For me it feels similar to the way you might force yourself to eat a salad because you know it’s good for you, even though you may f..king hate eating salads. (I am doing that right now, by the way – eating a f..king salad. It is picture perfect, with local lettuce and beets, tomatoes, dried cranberries, with a lemon-balsamic vinaigrette. I hate it. I’m eating it anyway.)

I thought I was doing this self-care thing the right way until November when it became obvious I was not. Yes, sometimes self-care looks like pleasurable activities, and in such cases, it is not so hard for me to get myself to do it. But if that were all that self-care entailed, I would not have found myself in the place I am in. I’ve been doing that kind of self-care for years with insufficient gains, so this leads me to believe my self-care regimen was incomplete.

What social workers and other people don’t often tell you is that self-care can be completely terrible. Self-care includes a lot of adult-ing, and activities you want to put off indefinitely. Self-care sometimes means making tough decisions which you fear others will judge. Self-care involves asking for help; it involves vulnerability; it involves being painfully honest with yourself and your loved ones about what you need.

I am reconstructing my ideas about what it means to take radically good care of myself. I am making it a priority, to the detriment of other priorities, because I have to come the realization that my life depends on it. I will tell the truth about my present self-care, even though I have zero assurances I am getting it right. Because (a) getting it right is not the point (but God, do I love to get things right), and (b) the other thing nobody tells you about self-care is that it’s nearly impossible to know if you’re doing it right, until months later when you either find yourself feeling better or shittier (check in with me in June for an addendum).

oops, forgot to tag you @Former-Member, for the above article, thought of you when I read it. Particularly like that she force feeds herself beneficial activities like 'salad' & 'walks'. Perhaps its yhe disconnect with ferling. So relate to that.

But I would like to add that the mindfulness exercises 'reconnect' feelings which I then take out and connect with nature or making something. That helps. I use to have a 2 day limit on laying around depressed - must get back to those habits. Its hard without my girl here though, in a way that doesn't make practical sense (still pulls the plug on energy), like many happenings people have I guess, maybe still a grief thing).

Have you heard the saying:
"Feel the fear and do it anyway"
I've added to that
"Feel the pain & do it anyway" lol
"No pain no gain"...
Seriously trying to talk myself into it here, haha
Hope you're holding up 🙂

Thanks @Former-Member. Yep good article to tag me on. Life falling into disarray and need to hold on too. I like your 2 day limit of laying around. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with so many things at the moment I need to go back to the drawing board and think through a plan of getting through the tough days but perhaps not now. Just for today I'm going to try and give myself permission to just distract all day if I have to. How are you going?

Thanks @Former-Member, validation helps.
@Former-Member, distraction can help get a out through. I default to wartch ling TV or withdrawal & sleeping too much. They're not the best options but more a survival thing. What do you do to distract yourself on days like this Teej?
Today I got most the lawn mowed before it rained.
Anyway, sorry for you, that you're in a slump, hang on 'till tomorrow, hoping food things come your way.