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Hi, I have just joined this site after speaking with my social worker today at a very low point in my life for the last year and a half. I recently left a very serious domestic voilent marriage (19 years), I have two children, and only one lives with me after I kicked my oldest out for also hitting me after I left my now ex husband. My ex was very abusive to where he would hit me, throw me up against walls, threaten me with knives and to cut my throat, rape me, and emotionally, physically and mentally control me to what I wore, how I had my hair cut and coloured and where I went and with who. Since leaving him a year and a half ago the controlling hasn't stopped, neither has the abusive text messages, but him hitting me has as I am no longer in his house for him to fully control me.I have had to learn to cope on my own and have been told by my physcoligist and phyciatrist that I have Clinical PTSD, Agraphobia, Aniexty, Depression, and suffer from not being able to leave my own home to complete my daily tasks as I am scared of running into him (he lives 10 - 15mins away). I am wanting to leave Brisbane and move up North to where I will feel safer then I do at present with living so close to him and him being able to spy on me and watch my house ... I am not sure where to go or who to turn to for advice, and because none of my family know the real reasoning why we parted and went out seperate ways I feel like I can't talk to them, because if they find out what my ex did to me and put me through for so long I am scared they will think negitive things about me.
In response to: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
MummytotwoSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
Hi, I am to scared to get any sort of order on my voilent ex as I really don't think he will care anyway and he will still come after me regardless and if not him then I am sure his brothers will. The fear him and his family have put me in and still continue to do is frightening. I have never told the police what he did or is still doing for the fear of telling them and I know they are there to help in these sorts of situations but in my mind its more the embarassment of telling them what I really put up with for so long, I am embarassed and really stupid for staying with someone like him for so long, and I still do't know how I am here today to tell my story and still be alive. 2 weeks before I left from him (well I was actually kicked out of my own home from him) I spent it sleeping in my garage on a concrete floor with only a picnic blanket to keep me warm as ghe would't allow me back in my own house, I slept under our 4wd and with the door locked as it was the only door in the house with a lock on it so he couldn't come and hurt me anymore until I found somewhere else to live. He treated me like a dog and wouldn't allow me inside to eat, shower or use the bathroom so I lived in the garage. He told my kids I had gone on a holiday to a friends place I later found out. Once he left to go back to work abroad I left, after he told me if I was still in my home when he got back he would hurt me even more, so I packed up my kids and left the day he left. He then found me living in a safe house where he would do constant drive bys checking up me. This is why I am so scared to do anything now because I know the control and the power he still has over me and in me even though its been over a year since I left ... and he knows he has great power on me still. I am left to wonder why I stayed for so long living like I did, and am glad to be here today alive and well (as well as I can be mentally and emotionally).
In response to: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
Unknown userMember
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
Hello @mummyoftwo, I've 3 children too. I read your thoughts this morning getting ready for school run. It does not surprise me your response. I had to think about it before I reply. I have been exactly where you are now on your journey. It's the ice-breaking point. Do we chip it to run to safety or keep the shield around us we have managed to uphold to protect ourselves. The first is harder than the later. No doubt about it. Ironically the first is what will work towards our protection. Your ex has observed you for years to know everything emotive plug to pull. He's scared the living daylights out of you both physically & mentally. The first part hurts but the later hurts more, & is far more entrenched..damage wise. This safe house ? I take it a D.V refuge for women of D.V? Did you get appointed a case manager? These women deal with this. They see a lot. Been there. Dealt that. If you have a case manager, you are going to have to trust for your safety, in turn your son's. But you need to be first in order to protect them. Definitely you need to keep your wits about you- low profile on social media, if you are doing this. No doubt your ex is a master at manipulation. Once he starts loosing control, this will be when u motion steps for your safety..yes he will escalate. But he can't hurt you. Police act urgently on Intervention orders, that's their call. It's scary to take this step. When you've learnt to be self reliant. I'm a little unsure what services you have on board? Learning to trust is so hard, but if you want this to get better your going to have to let them in. Keep in touch, I'm worried for you.
In response to: Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
TABSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
In response to: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
MummytotwoSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
No I actually found private acomadation after a friend of mine posted on facebook about my situation and me needing to find a place to rent short term until I could appy for a bond loan and save some money to rent long term. I use to have a DV case worker but she left and went to another part of DV connect and I don't feel like I want to stay in contact with that organization due to her leaving and me having to start all over again with another case worker. All I have is a centrelink social worker that I talk too, here and sometimes beyond blue when I am feeling thoughts of suicide and when I am at my lowest of lows which seem to be more often then none atm. I have tried my hardest to survive but some days I think (as the words of my ex would say) I'm better off dead because then no one would have to deal with me and my mental illness and no one wants me anyway, I'm no good to anyone!! I know I need to travel this road with the help and support of organizations but some days I feel like I am doing it alone. When I feel like I am getting better and getting on the road to some sort of recovery something stuffs my life up or my ex makes it a complete mess. I have tried numerous occasions to end my life. For so long I was mistreated and emotionally, physically, mentally, and sexually abused by him .. he use to tell me he owned me and if our marriage ever failed no one would want me so he'd make sure no one would ever have me. He never mistreated my children thankgod, but only me. I felt okay with that, as long as he left my kids alone I didn't mind getting abised as I knew they wouldn't be suffering by also being hurt by him. I understand the road is a long and complicated recovery and as much as I try and get out of bed in the mornings and do my best at parenting and do the best I can I always feel its never good enough for anyone and I feel like I am constantly being judged by everyone inc my friends who don't understand what I have been through.
In response to: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
Unknown userMember
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
@mummyoftwo. Ok I can see last post to be moderated. Yes. Your abuse is horrific. It's not possible to see a way through. You felt it ok for him to hurt you, to protect your kids from same. This isnt the truth. I'm sorry, him hurting you even if not seen was felt. Our children know far more than we think we are protecting them from. I know this more than even I thought. Your ex is pulling out all measures to control you. Don't let him, by believing it somewhere to be true inside you. Try turning this thought around. Deep down our inner self knows the truth. You are not a bad mother for trying to protect your children, & you've done more than the above to show in fact you are a caring mother. Your ex needs help but it's not you anymore that can do this.
In response to: Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
@MummytotwoWhen life turns dysfunctional and violence intrudes into our homes it is hard to know what to do or think.
I have done weird things with the pressure of managing those circumstances and staying in those circumstances.
Honestly it took me quite a few years to recover. When I first left I went to the gymn everyday becasue I knew I had to do something to heal my body. It was worth it, but the point I want to make was that deep exhaustion took years to leave, even as my cardio fitness and muscle strength improved. You need to give yourself time. Nothing like you have endured can be changed overnight.
In response to: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
MummytotwoSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
I'm just wondering why my post has been removed or not available to be read? Did I do something wrong in the way I wrote it?
In response to: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
Unknown userMember
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
@Mummytotwo...don't stress. Happens time to time. Not personal to you. I think @moderators could elaborate more. Hope you are ok? ☺🌹
In response to: Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
NikNikSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
Hi @Mummytotwo
Thats odd! A moderator will always drop you an email if we've had to remove a post.
Can you tell me a bit more about your post? I can see one above in this thread from 13 hours ago - was the post that's missing written after this one?
Was it in this thread? Sorry about this - I'll have a look at what's happened.
In response to: Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
TABSenior Contributor
Re: Not sure what to do or think anymore??
@NikNik perhaps there's a system problem or 'upgrade' been happening today. I had all sorts of problems earlier today re posting, and the site has changed since yest
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