Glad to have found SANE

Okay so bear with me everyone, I should be asleep but I have 3 kids under 4, we’re currently homeless (couch surfing) as we have left a DV situation and have tried a few support services that have left us in unsafe and vulnerable situations. I haven’t been able to receive any sort of diagnosis thus far, but have had a lot of time on my own in the last 7 years to research what the heck is wrong with me. I’ve been hospitalised for a psychotic episode before, was in there for a week, and was released still having psychotic symptoms. My ex MIL gave the hospital information about me that I still haven’t had a chance to find out, as my priorities are finding my children and myself a permanent and SAFE residence. I grew up in a DV household, ended up with someone very similar to my father, and have been gaslighted by family and friends my whole life. I’m starting to feel things getting out of hand as where we are staying, my friends while they are VERY good people, seem to think I’m ‘bunging it on’ while the truth is I’m fighting extremely hard to get out of here before there is an altercation. I can’t handle people’s ignorance on mental health issues at this point in time, and my nearly 4 year old daughter is showing strong similarities to me as a child and I’m frightened for her (I had night terrors and nightmares from a very young age and toileting issues (constipation). I have had two Suicide attempts this year, one the day I realised my ex cared more about drugs than his kids, and the second was while we were in refuge and my safety concerns were invalidated (also many rude comments from staff members and dropping us off at wrong doctors surgery, intentionally leaving items off our shopping list (stain removal spray (to look after our damn clothes) and one cheap packet of jellybeans so my kids could have ONE treat) I’m sick of my kids being punished for having a mum with mental health issues, but I’m worried if I screw this up again I won’t be able to make sure I get them ALL the health care they need mental and otherwise. They are the reason I get up and try my hardest every day. They deserve better and I’m so so scared to go to another refuge as without the right support this could all go south very quick. Someone please help point me in the right direction