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A momentary lapse of reason

A momentary lapse of reason

I get up in the morning do my morning ritual, like everyone else. At some point, I hear what sounds like some people talking. I think, where is that coming from? It sounds like the neighbours. Are they talking about me? Did I do something wrong? No, that is silly. But what if they are talking about me? Should I confront them? No, that would be awkward. So why are they talking about me? I know. They probably smell me. I haven't had a shower yet. I walk into the bathroom. I notice my towel is damp, and I think did someone have a shower and use my towel? I will swap it for a fresh towel. I don't have any fresh towels in the cupboard. Oh, yeah, they are out on the line. So I go out to get a towel. I still hear my neighbours talking. Well, now I am outside. They definitely can smell me. As I walk back inside, I notice the neighbour's car is not in their driveway. I think to myself, boy, my smell must have made them leave. I better have that shower. I have the shower, and I think this body wash bottle is almost empty. That is strange because I only got it a couple of days ago. It is OK. I have a few more opened bottles in the shower to choose from. I have to remember to get more bottles next pay. I hear a voice from inside the house, ah I know that voice that is my housemate. He says, are you taking another shower? I think, what does he mean, another one? I stutter back, uh I spilled my coffee all over myself and had to have another shower. He replies, oh, OK, be careful next time. I feel bad for lying, but I don't want to tell him the truth lest he goes back to the neighbours and informs them that I know they were talking about me. I hop out of the shower, dry myself off, do my general grooming and look in the reflection in the mirror and remind myself of Luke 11:39…Now you Pharisees cleanse the outside of the cup of the dish, but inside you are full of extortion and wickedness. I am not sure what the cup and dish have to do with anything, but I know I will never get rid of the smell of extortion and wickedness that my neighbours talked about with the cheap body wash.

7 replies

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In response to: A momentary lapse of reason

Re: A momentary lapse of reason

Hello @Former-Member I read your post and have no idea how to respond.

Even if you haven't had a shower - you simply don't smell any more than I do!! Or anyone else. And I only use soap! Where did you get this notion?

As for your neighbours talking about you - sometimes they do, sometimes we imagine they are. Who cares? Try not to give a hoot!! Immerse yourself in your own life. Don't even LOOK over the fence!

Are you on medication? A change of dose? Do you have someone to talk things through with? Take it easy on yourself @Former-Member

Sending best wishes.

In response to: Re: A momentary lapse of reason

Re: A momentary lapse of reason


@Historylover wrote:

Hello @Former-Member I read your post and have no idea how to respond.

Even if you haven't had a shower - you simply don't smell any more than I do!! Or anyone else. And I only use soap! Where did you get this notion?

As for your neighbours talking about you - sometimes they do, sometimes we imagine they are. Who cares? Try not to give a hoot!! Immerse yourself in your own life. Don't even LOOK over the fence!

Are you on medication? A change of dose? Do you have someone to talk things through with? Take it easy on yourself @Former-Member

Sending best wishes.


It's a problem that slowly developed over a little over a decade and has now consumed me. I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and BDP. I also talked about OCD and ASD with the doctors, but yeah. I am medicated and am applying to NDIS to get some more permanent support.

In response to: Re: A momentary lapse of reason

Re: A momentary lapse of reason

I'm sorry that no others have responded, @Former-Member. Perhaps others may have had something more relevant to say, but I felt I had to let you know that you are being heard.

I hope that you can take it easy on yourself. I can't offer any further advice. I am simply not able to.

Sending my very best wishes.

In response to: A momentary lapse of reason

Re: A momentary lapse of reason

Hey @Former-Member , thanks for the post letting us know how you're travelling. It sounds like you're having some symptom flare ups. My OT has had me write on my bathroom mirror that I am worthy - it seems to help me, when I get odd thoughts from schizoaffective disorder. Please take care of yourself - can you ring anyone to let them know how you're going?

In response to: A momentary lapse of reason

Re: A momentary lapse of reason

Oh @Former-Member , I really feel for you...I'm so sorry that this problem has consumed you slowly over time. 😞

One thing that struck me was that you are a fine writer...have you ever considered publishing what you write? Your post was really powerful. (I know that was not the point of your post)

I have OCD (germophobia) too, and we've talked about it before. But I haven't come across the smell thing before. Thank you for sharing how you feel.

I've got no wisdom, but I hear and feel you.

In response to: A momentary lapse of reason

Re: A momentary lapse of reason

@Former-Member I agree your a wonderful writer and i can really relate to what youve written.

Thankyou

In response to: A momentary lapse of reason

Re: A momentary lapse of reason

Hard to tell whether you losing time or just on auto-pilot. Very interesting themes. I looked up the bible quote. Seems a bit of a harsh reaction to the Pharisee person just for wanting him to wash his hands. Then again, I'm kind of looking at the situation through covid-19 glasses. It's a very "working class hero" sentiment.

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