Dear @Anastasia
You know we both love our boys, and have both had to walk through the psychiatric nightmare with them. Yes mothers will do anything for their children when they are in danger.
When the danger lies within as in self harm and suical ideation and behaviour, the best approach is to work with those aspects of your relationships and develop your son's sense of self to the point where the danger no longer lies within. Where your son can see hope for himself in his own unique life path, as separate from you. There is a role in stepping back but being strongly for him, not an easy thing to discern, so yes we mums need a lot of prayer and research of latest knowledge. I am big believer in turning every stone ....
My particular story bridges both sides of wealth, education and poverty, over 3 generations. You may have picked up bits and pieces. I dont want to say much about that except to say, that I may be leaning towards the side of your bf regarding spending more money in private MH. My ex came from a family background that attended the Mayo clinic from the 1950s onward. He came to Australia and the first 5 years of our marriage was focussed on these kinds of discussions (1985-90). He had a BSc in biology and psychology, I'd done top level Psychosocial Theory, and we bought a dictionary of pharmacology etc etc ....There are many sides and issues and I am not sure what your study or your bf quals are. It ALL matters in the ultimate outcomes....
As your son has had a very high amount of admissions in private system. I would be asking why are they not succeeding in "helping" or healing his trauma, or his sense of despair in today's world. That private health segment of economy likes to boast about results, so they ought be apologetic at the least.
Honestly Anastasia, I would not be putting all your eggs in the private MH basket, especially if they are not delivering. My son's father managed his way out of his Dx of schizophrenia by astute management of his private health team. i walked with him through that. I worked with my own son in both public and private systems, and yes often he did not want to make a decision, so I had to leave it til he felt ready to make a decision. That is hard yakka, walking with them through this.
I no longer buy into the industry spin. For about 5 years, my son tried and found some of the 'best' in the snazzy parts of town, but the answers and support was slim if non existent.
I live with my heart in my mouth, as I know its a very delicate line to walk. If he would have found people worth it, I would have thrown money at the problem and drawn down on the mortgage. Whatever. My son's personality and circs are very different from yours, but I would be thinking of your son as an individual, and try and find a therapist who he can relate to. Thankfully, I finally did find one for my son, who happens to be a very experienced social worker. My son has rejected the general MH system, but is making many gains in taking responsibility for his life and sharing mini moments of joy. Today we did food shopping, and he has just popped down to get extra legumes and sour cream ... at his suggestion ... YES Proud Mama bear ! We eat well and healthy! I see food as a male and female issue cos we all eat. My boy has risen to many recent challenges. I know and that gives me hope in his future.
There are so many serious MH Dx floating around on both sides of his genetic line, but also heaps of strengths and reslience stories. So it is in discovering and sharing those strengths and resilience stories that I would advise you focus on with your boy.
Talk anytime
Love Apple
