PowderfingerSenior Contributor
Petrified. Know something is wrong help.
For just over three weeks I had this new person/friend in my life. Last night I had to get her to leave my home. It was hard and sad but I didn't feel safe. I am not going to be on speaking terms with her. She absolutely scares me. My big heart wants to help but it's beyond my capacity to help her.
I don't even know what happening but my body and mind is screaming at me that I'm not safe. For the last three weeks she rapidly changes. For eg, she could be cool, calm and collected for an hour and I feel ok. Then literally very suddenly she can completely change into being someone very different, angry, rough, hostile, volatile and very frightening. Those are not all the mood and behavioural shifts. Just some.
She would come to my house, we would be hanging out talking about various things and then when she would leave, it would be like we literally never spoke about any of it. It felt like an alternate reality and I was starting to question if we actually bad talked and she had come over. I was getting like that because of the complete I suppose what seems like to her it didn't happen.
I was feeling manipulated. If I wanted to talk about me, it's like I didn't exist. Like I don't have a life only her. If I diverted to me it's like it wasn't worthy of being heard and I felt put down for mentioning me.
I'd just start to feel ok and then bang as soon as I did she would completely flip again. Mood, behaviour, voice change, anger, resort to saying really mean things and more. Nothing I would say would even get through. Then she would say to me you are so sensitive if I cried, then later whenever she decided she would take responsibility and see how she would hurt me but then beg to come over and see me. Telling me she us absolutely besides herself.
That's only a little of it. I was starting to get major panic attacks and anxiety attacks at the thought of her coming around or seeing her. I was starting to completely shut down verbally. She would say and do things that mentally would mess with my head. Like say something to me, completely change it later then get angry with me for being upset and confused and then finally make it all about her.
Last night I finally said, I thought something was wrong but now I truly get that you need professional help. I can't provide that. Even if I was qualified I couldn't. I know that this is not a place for a diagnosis. Only professionals can do that.
I literally feel like I'm going crazy.
I need support and for normal people to talk to me because my world has not been normal. The last two days I have not been able to get out of bed. I'm scared of this person. It's really unstable and is affecting me badly. I'm scared. I want to believe she is a good person because she actually has done some nice things. I'm just petrified of her and don't know who to get used to from one moment to the next literally. It broke my heart to get her to leave my home last night. I wanted to not do that but she really was frightening me so much.
Thanks.
