Hi @Belle21
I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re struggling with depression and anxiety. In my experience, living with these mental health issues can be incredibly debilitating, distressing, and exhausting and my heart goes out to you 
As I read this part of your story, I could really hear how desperately you’re trying to find some relief from the anxiety that you’re currently experiencing in relation to returning to work 
Although it was some years ago now, I can still remember the time in my life when I was preparing to return to work after a significant leave of absence. During this time, the mere thought or mention of returning to work would result in feelings of dread, panic and terror and I held significant concerns in relation to my ability to be able to manage this transition.
Although this was an incredibly challenging time in my life, one of the things that really helped me, was the opportunity to be able to participate in a return to work program.
Therefore, prior to returning to work my Therapist and I developed a return to work plan, whereby we documented what I needed in order to be able to return to work safely.
As such, my return to work plan included information about the number of hours that I could realistically work per day and a timeframe in relation to when my working hours would be increased.
We also included details in relation to the temporary adjustments that needed to be made to some of my regular duties and responsibilities.
Furthermore, we outlined the goals that I needed to achieve and the time frames in relation to when I needed to achieve these.
Finally, we included details regarding the meetings that I needed to participate in to review my progress and support needs.
Although this process didn’t completely alleviate my anxiety, I felt hopeful that I could return to work as my employer was aware of some of the challenges that I faced and they understood my support needs. They also communicated that they were committed to supporting me and making this transition as smooth as possible.
In addition to providing return to work programs, some organisations provide an employee assistance program which is a service that’s available for all employees; irrespective of your position or how long you’ve been employed with a particular organisation 
As such, employee assistance programs provide free assessment, short term counselling and referrals for employees who are experiencing personal and / or work related issues.
In my experience, the opportunity to receive support through the employee assistance program was invaluable, as it provided me with an additional level of support.
As such, I just ever so gently wondered if these resources may be available for you?
Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Belle21 and that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 
Please know that you’re always welcome to reach out here whenever you need to 
Take care of yourself,
ShiningStar 