Hello I am grieving but feeling stronger most of the time

Hi. I lost dad and it really hurts. He was the only one other than my child who loved me. Now mum is not there for me in any way. She wants me to be there for her non stop and complains whatever I do is not good enough. I am worn out. I feel flat and sad. Before the family home was a welcoming place but now dad is not there to welcome me there. He loved all his kids and helped us. He loved my son. I hardly sleep anymore. I have to relearn to live my life without dad being there. My siblings are not there for me... Only my brother a little. If I try to engage with them I always feel hurt and left out or unwanted. They are busy with their own social circles which have no room for me. Dad was my main part of my social circle. Since died I am lost and sad. I feel no-one I know understands. Or cares or they just ask stupid questions about dads death which upset me. I prefer being alone now as interacting with people I know is not supporting my mental health. I prefer working from home too and going back to the office will be hard. I am not the person I was when I left work. I can't engage in small chit chat like those who have not lost someone. It bores me. I prefer working in peace at home. I was more social before dad died. I liked people and was kind had time for everyone. Now no-one is there for me or they say inappropriate and hurtful things. I am a butterfly in metamorphosis but not sure where this new growth will lead. Maybe I am learning self sufficiency in a new total way.