Hello Krishna,
thank you for such kind words
There are few who I feel understand the pain
Many think that because that our loved ones are absent that the caring role is over
That our suffering is not as intense as theirs
So many compete in everything in this world even pain and suffering.
Unbelievable.
We are all unique and have our own unique experiences, responses. emotions and so much more.
Could not be further from the truth that our caring role is over. It will be with us until our last breath.
I
Never let go of the love you have for them from birth. no matter how hurt and angry you feel.
Forgive yourself and let go.. So very hard. Then they can come back when and if they can.
Whatever happens life chooses what happens to us and we have to try to work through what has not worked and try something else.
We have to look after ourselves first and foremost though.
This is where I made a huge mistake.
I was lost in my grief and pain and enduring love.
The outcome will be different for each of us but I believe that the common factor for all of us is love.
Hope that I have not hurt anyone.
I am no expert.
(have had to edit as have huge trust issues - yesterday first day back on here in ages. trauma retriggered by someone I do not even know who decided to attack my response on a post where I was trying to explain that we do not know another person's story and not to judge.
Well literally they might have been triggered and their unkind response triggered me.
It has been explained to me that they do not realise when they lash out in defence.
I can see some truth in this.
I felt so unsafe again and overwhelmed.
I will only be writing on one thread from now on.)
Please look after yourself and remind yourself of the love you had before.
Mental illness can change people and with some people they are not really aware of how they are reacting or what they are expressing. Some do not even remember.
Some people are not nice regardless of mental illness. You know your own child though. That does not sound the case here.
Remind yourself that it is the illness or lasting results that is controlling his behaviour.
I hope that helps take away some of the pain.
It is so easy to question ourselves at times. It certainly has been for me.
The mental health system does not help either and that also builds a wall between our loved one and ourselves. This they often remember most and blame us.
Hope that this has not upset you more. I seem to be good at doing that sometimes.
Perhaps I say too much as I feel the pain so strongly for others too.
Look after your heart and yourself.
Same with you @Elac if you are reading this.
I just find it helps to write my truth.
If my words upset you perhaps stop reading and do not reply.
My health has been impacted greatly and I try to get through each day as a new one.
I practise living in the now.
Prolongued chronic trauma, loss and grief get in the way of this in particular when retriggered.
Look after the purity in your hearts.
Sophia
